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Bumper Stickers

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moose.jpg (17667 bytes)Ex-wife for sale. Just take over payments.

Like to travel? Enjoy sex? Take a f*cking hike.

Dysfunctional family on board.

I love cats...they taste like chicken.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Rehab is for quitters.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

So many lawyers, so few bullets.

So many idiots...so few comets.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my great uncle, not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

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The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Warning: Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an I.Q. test and the results were negative.

I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Always rememberyou're unique, just like everyone else.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots, and I married their king.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the real poo!

Energizer Bunny arrestedcharged with battery.

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Veni, vidi, velcro: I came, I saw, I stuck around.

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The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
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Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

Live simply...so I can have the stuff you don't use!

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Born free (my father's a doctor).

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Learn from your parents' mistakesuse birth control.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Stamp out crimeabolish the IRS.

Old skiers never diethey just go downhill.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

I brake for hallucinations.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Earth first! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

"Driver carries no cashhe's married!"
Submitted by Katie M.

"I'm a drunk, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics have to go to meetings."
Submitted by David O.

Smith & Wessonthe original point and click interface.
Submitted by Kiki T.

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bare arms!
Submitted by Kiki T.

Do not wash. Vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
Submitted by Dave W.

Keep working, millions on welfare depend on you.
Submitted by Dave W.

I'm on the road constantly, where the hell is Easy Street?
Submitted by Dave W.

Do you think you'd drive any better with that phone up your ass?
Submitted by Lance T.

Safe sex is in the palm of your hand.
Submitted by Brent R.

Snowmobiles: Natural selection at its finest.
Submitted by Brent R.

PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.
Submitted by Brent R.

My kid beat up your honor student.
Submitted by Brent R.

If this car is being driven courteously it's been stolen.
Submitted by Sal

Prevent death on the road. Drive on the pavement.
Submitted by Sal

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Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
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Keys in ignition, car left unlocked, purse left on dashboard. Rottweiler on the back seat.
Submitted by Sal

I'll do anything for money, except work.
Submitted by T.J.

Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Submitted by David F.

God is my co-pilot. But we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him to stay alive.
Submitted by Gary T.

I haven't had my coffee yet, don't make me kill you.
Submitted by Shellie

Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
Submitted by Shellie

Can I pay off my Visa with my Mastercard?
Submitted by Melinda

I might be driving slowly, but I'm still in front of you.
Submitted by Pierre D.

Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Submitted by Pierre D.

I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right.
Submitted by Mark R.

My karma ran over my dogma.
Submitted by Felicity H.

Common sense isn't very common.
Submitted by Jeff W.

Cabtender I'm fitshased call me a bar to take me drunk I'm home.
Submitted by Bee Jay S.

Visualize whirled peas.
Submitted by Bob S.

Pray for the success of atheism!
Submitted by Bob S.

My kid sold your honor roll student all of the answers to the tests!
Submitted by Joe

My kid knocked up your honor student.
Submitted by Reggie J.

If the kid is an honor student, he must not really be yours.
Submitted by David O.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Submitted by Joan T.

Reality bites, and I have the teeth marks to prove it!
Submitted by Robert H.

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
Submitted by Nikki

Your village just called. They're missing an idiot.
Submitted by Nikki

I have a nice body, and its in my trunk.

I can resist anything but temptation.
Submitted by Stephen B.

My other ride is your boyfriend.
Submitted by Missy E.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
Submitted by Missy E.

I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
Submitted by Bee Jay S.

Non-conformists of the world unite!
Submitted by Devon F.

Practice safe sex. Go screw yourself.
Submitted by Rob D.

Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
Submitted by Rob D.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
Submitted by Rob D.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings."
Submitted by Rob D.

The Earth is full. Go home.
Submitted by Rob D.

I have the body of a God. Buddha.
Submitted by Rob D.

So many pedestrians, so little time.
Submitted by Rob D.

You! Out of the gene pool!
Submitted by Rob D.

Heart attacks. God's revenge for eating his animal friends.
Submitted by Rob D.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
Submitted by Rob D.

My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
Submitted by Rob D.

Ax me about Ebonics.
Submitted by Rob D.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Submitted by Rob D.

Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
Submitted by Susan L.

Daddy drinks because you cry.
Submitted by Riley V.

Jesus is coming, look busy!
Submitted by Peter K.

My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
Submitted by Peter K.

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
Submitted by Nancy

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Submitted by Nancy

The closer you get, the slower I go.
Submitted by Scott T.

Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.
Submitted by Mario D.

You say "bitch" like its a bad thing.
Submitted by Missy E.

I decided to get in shape, and the shape I chose was a sphere.
Submitted by W. Stinson

Let's let the anti-gun people fight the next war.
Submitted by Andy T.

Unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
Submitted by Andy T.

By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me.
Submitted by John H.

Sometimes you're the dog and sometimes you're the hydrant.
Submitted by John K.

The urge to scream tells me I must be at work.
Submitted by Meg M.

Lord, please protect me from your followers.
Submitted by Jon L.

A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you flash me.
Submitted by Joe P.

Hug you kids at home and belt them in the car.
Submitted by A.H.

College students. We drink more beer before 9:00 a.m. than most people drink all day!
Submitted by Angie P.

Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Submitted by Angie P.

There are not enough hours in the day for all the bitching I need to do.
Submitted by Angie P.

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