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Bumper Stickers

Just when you thought you'd seen more bumper stickers sentiments than you'd ever want to see, you're seeing more.

I don't repeat gossip, so listen closely the first time.
Submitted by Danielle

Finish your beer. There are sober people in China.
Submitted by Louisa B.

Get your own bumper sticker and stop staring at mine.
Submitted by Samantha M.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.
Submitted by Norm M.

Penny for your thoughts. Twenty to act them out.
Submitted by Ben W.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
Submitted by Nancy J.

My dog can lick anyone.
Submitted by Nancy J.

Beer. Teaching white people to dance since 1867.
Submitted by Mike T.

How may I ignore you today?
Submitted by Paul T.

Women belong in the house (and the Senate).
Submitted by Devon F.

Save trees. Wipe with an owl.
Submitted by Tom Y.

I may look funny, but I'd kick your ass on Jeopardy.
Submitted by Jada P.

I'm not a schizophrenic. And neither am I.
Submitted by John G.

It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
Submitted by Wallace T.

Veni, Vedi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I got stuck.
Submitted by Piper H.

I'm not as think as you confused I am.
Submitted by Piper H.

Lead me not into temptation. I know my own way.
Submitted by Piper H.

So, when's the wizard going to get back to you about that brain?
Submitted by Jada P.

Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Submitted by Coleen R.

Saturday has a morning?
Submitted by Piper H.

Visualize using your turn signal.
Submitted by Tom Y.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Submitted by M.J.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you are a moron.
Submitted by Penny C.

Jesus loves you, just not in that way.
Submitted by Piper H.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Submitted by M.J.

If I ever want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Submitted by M.J

I'll die for my own sins, thank you.
Submitted by Drew P.

Telepath wanted. You know where to apply.

Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks.
Submitted by Michael W.

Don't follow me. I'm lost, too.
Submitted by Georgiana B.

Sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Submitted by M.J

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

He who hesitates pisses off everyone behind him.

Today isn't your day. Tommorrow isn't looking too hot, either.
Submitted by Larry S.

I'm not a slut! I'm popular.
Submitted by Leslie R.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Submitted by Carol E.

You have every right to hear my opinion.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If you can't see my mirrors, it means I've hit another cyclist.
Submitted by Ross F.

Don't argue with your wife. Dicker.
Submitted by Mark P.

You're making a food order, not choosing life insurance.
Submitted by Carole G.

Friends don't let friends drive imports.
Submitted by Josh A.

Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian.
Submitted by Jessica N.

Born again pagan.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

My grandfather sodomized your honor student.
Submitted by Robert Z.

Mean people suck. Nice people lick.
Submitted by Katy G.

Illiterate? Write for our free brochure.
Submitted by Sally F.

Charter Member: International Xenophobe Society.
Submitted by Sidonie R.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to your level and beat you with experience.
Submitted by Jenny

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Submitted by Tulio P.

Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.

Constipated mathematicians have to work it out with a pencil.
Submitted by Gary M.

It's not my fault I'm the only one in the world who knows how to drive correctly.
Submitted by Dani B.

How do you pamper your parents? That depends.
Submitted by Jeri S.

Old truckers never die. They just get a new Peterbilt.
Submitted by Russ F.

I'm sweating like a pedophile in a playground.
Submitted by Lauren H.

I've lost my virginity but I've still got the box it came in.

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