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Actual Newspaper Headlines

It's time for more real headlines. We'd like to say all of these headlines have been investigated for veracity, but we're unsure what "veracity" means, so you're pretty much screwed.

Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

House Passes Gas Tax on to Senate

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Man is Fatally Slain

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

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Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
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County Names Freedom Bridge "Freedom Bridge"

Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to Do Better

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax

Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Smokers are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

Rest of the Year May Not Follow January

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation

Deer Kill 17,000

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

William Kelly was Fed Secretary

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