It's time for more real headlines. We'd like to say all of these headlines have been investigated for veracity, but we're unsure what "veracity" means, so you're pretty much screwed.
Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
House Passes Gas Tax on to Senate
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Man is Fatally Slain
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
County Names Freedom Bridge "Freedom Bridge"
Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to Do Better
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax
Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Smokers are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Rest of the Year May Not Follow January
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
Deer Kill 17,000
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
William Kelly was Fed Secretary
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