THE KLOPMAN DIAMOND
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Klopman," she replied.
ADAM AND EVE
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
HORSES AND A DOG
Several racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts boasting about his track record. "Of my last 15 races," he says, "I've won eight." Another horse breaks in, "Well, I've won 19 of my last 27!" "That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36," says another, flicking his tail. At this point a greyhound who has been sitting nearby pipes up. "I don't mean to boast," he says, "but of my last 90 races, I've won 88." The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow," says one after a prolonged silence, "a talking dog!"
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
One of the world's most clever mathematicians was arrested by the police in an airport, for smuggling a bomb in his hand luggage. The math expert says, "You don't understand! It's to make the plane safe!" One of the police officers asked, "What the heck do you mean by that crap?" The math genius replied, "You see, the chances that a bomb is aboard the plane are extremely small, so the chance of two bombs being on the plane would be practically impossible."