A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales. "Why Bloomingdales?" asked the rabbi. "Well, then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."
FROM THE GOOD BOOK
A little boy opened an old family Bible with fascination. He looked at the pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked up and examined it closely. It was an old tree leaf that had been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!"
A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glances across the room and notices a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she has a very large nose. Hes very self-conscious about his eye, but gets up the nerve to ask her for a dance. "Would you like to dance with me?" he asks. She replies, "Would I!" He sneers and snipes, "Big nose!"
WORK OR PLAY
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the Sabbath." The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" He goes to minister, a married man, for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. "Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!" Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority--a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi. The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."