Q: Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A: He did all right until his business fell off.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
JUDGING THE SIZE
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short-term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counseled the therapist. So, the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but by the bedside table was a $50 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."
Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride called her mother from the hospital. "Mother," she sobbed, "My husband has only one foot." The mother, trying to console her daughter said, "That's all right dear, your father has only six inches."
Q: Did you hear about the woman who confused her Valium with her birth control pills?
A: She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
Q: What's the difference between a woman's zipper and a man's zipper?
A: When a woman unzips her pants, her brains don't fall out.
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls: "Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call and ask for Daisy." More than 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.
Q: Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.
One actor asked another why he didn't get the part in the play. He told the guy, "I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. In my script it clearly said, 'Enter Juliet from the rear.'"
Q: What happened to the blonde cheerleader when she did the splits?
A: Twenty class rings fell out.
There is a guy who has a dog that doesn't obey him. Then he sees an ad in the paper for a great dog trainer. So, he decides to go to the dog trainer and get his dog trained. The guy walks in the room and asks, "Can you train my dog, and are you a good trainer?" The trainer replies, "Well, I can train your dog, and I will give you a demonstration of how good I am." He dumped a box full of bones on the floor and blew a whistle. The first dog came in and made a skeleton with the bones. "Wow!" said the guy, "What kind of dog is that?" "That's a nurse's dog," said the trainer. Then he blows the whistle again and a second dog comes in the room. That dog makes a big building. The man says, "Wow, what kind of dog is that?" "That's an architect's dog," replies the trainer. Then the trainer blows the whistle again and a third dog comes in. That dog takes the bones, screws the other two dogs and runs away. "Wow, what kind of dog is that?" says the man. "That's a lawyer's dog!"
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The DJ was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a cornfield in a boat, rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo!"
BIKINIS AND FENCES
Q: How is a bikini like a barbed-wire fence?
A: It protects the property without obstructing the view.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years, with a large pond in the back. One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. As he neared the pond, he heard shouting and laughing. As he came closer, he saw a group of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the alligator." The moral of the story? Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.
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