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DISNEYLAND AND VIAGRA
Q: What does Viagra have in common with Disneyland?
A: One-hour wait, two-minute ride.
KNOCK AT THE DOOR
At age 85, Morris marries Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris, who looks happy and eager. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but you guessed it, Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and he is as fresh as a 25-year old. Once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to leave, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says, "You mean I was here already?"
A man is on a train and is carrying three babies. The lady sitting next to him asks, "Are they your babies?" The man lowers his head and says, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints."
The young man was so happy. He and his girlfriend had been dating for more than a year, so they decided to get married. The only thing bothering him was his fiance's mother. She was smart and beautiful, and would sometimes flirt with the young man, which made him uncomfortable. One day, his future mother-in-law called him and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. He went. She was alone, and when he arrived, she whispered that soon he was to be married, and she had lustful feelings for him that she couldn't overcome. She said that before the young man married her daughter, she wanted to make love to him just once. He was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said, "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me." He watched her curves as she went up the stairs. He stood there for a moment, then turned around and went to the front door, opened it and walked out of the house. To his surprise, the woman's husband was standing outside with tears in his eyes. He hugged the young man, saying how pleased he was that the young man had passed their little "test," The older man said, "We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in the car.
A recent study showed what men do after sex. Two percent eat, three percent smoke cigarettes, five percent go to sleep and 86 percent get up and go back home to their wives.
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process told him he needed to enter a password. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock his spouse a little. When the computer asked for a password, he typed in "penis." His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied, "Please enter another password. Not long enough."
Have you heard about the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a local bar. The husband asks, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together 50 years ago? We went behind this very bar where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes, I remember it," she says. He says, "How about if we do it again for old time's sake?" She agrees. There's a police officer in the next booth eavesdropping and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I'll just keep an eye on them." He follows them as the amble out of the place. When they reach the fence, the woman lifts her skirt, the old man drops his trousers, and the two lean up against the fence and erupt into the most furious sex the policeman has ever seen. They're bucking and jumping like 18-year-olds. This goes on for about 40 minutes. Finally, the couple collapses to the ground. The policeman is amazed, and can't resist approaching the older couple. He inquires to the blushing couple, "That was truly amazing, you must have been having sex for about 40 minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?" The old man says, "No, there's no secret. Fifty years ago that damned fence wasn't electrified."
ON THE FLOOR
An older couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?" The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
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