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Oxymorons

The dictionary defines an oxymoron as "a rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined." Despite the fact that we have no idea what that means, we would add, "to sometimes humorous effect." You decide.

United nations

Virtual reality

Open secret

Minor miracle

Non-alcoholic wine

Cardinal sin

Extensive briefing

Unbiased opinion

Family vacation

Good job

Almost exactly

Dodge Ram

Postal service

Constant change

Assistant supervisor

Black light

High ground

Half full

Crisis management

Ill health

Nothing much

Partially completed

Federal budget

Authentic replica

Random order

Small fortune

Wedded bliss

Legal brief

Student teacher

Steel wool

Public school education

Accurate horoscope

Real potential

Civil War

Job security

State worker

Half dead

Legally drunk

Exact estimate

Completely unfinished

New tradition

Act naturally

Found missing

Art student

Original copy

Resident alien

Genuine imitation

Airline food

Dry wine

Good grief

Government organization

Uninvited guest

Highly depressed

Final version

Sanitary landfill

Alone together

Small crowd

Live recording

Business ethics

Soft rock

Easy payments

Dry lake

Good beating

Cheerleading scholarship

Rock opera

Educational television

Bittersweet

Farewell reception

Deafening silence

Non-dairy creamer

War games

Death benefits

Clearly confused

Rolling stop

Safety hazard

Clearly misunderstood

Initial results

Friendly argument

Healthy tan

Cold sweat

Committee decision

Holy war

Peace force

Minor disaster

Home office

Extinct life

Armchair athletes

Christian Scientists

Random logic

Plastic glasses

Terribly pleased

Computer security

Political science

Tight slacks

Definite maybe

Pretty ugly

Rap music

Working vacation

Religious tolerance

IBM compatible

Microsoft Works

Athletic scholarship

Congressional ethics

Pretty ugly

Even odds

Great Depression

Terribly nice

Freezer burn

Journalistic integrity

Jumbo shrimp

Monopoly

Political promise

Religious intolerance

Same difference

Second best

Accordion music

Alone together

Dress pants

Work party

Military intelligence

Standard options

Sweet sorrow

Rural Metro (ambulance service)

Now, then

Passive aggression

Free love

Oxymoronic Statements

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Prejudiced people are all alike.

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

Evil isn't all bad.

I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness.

There's no such thing as nonexistence.

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

He doesn't have much of a reputation or so I've heard.

I disagree with unanimity.

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Avoid alliteration...always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

One should never generalize.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

Profanity sucks.

I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I'm not.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Death to all fanatics!

An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on.

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

I always wanted to be a procrastinator!

Rehab is for quitters!

The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.

Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.

Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

My identity lies in not knowing who I am.

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.

There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.

Life is full of uncertainties...or I could be wrong about that?

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else!

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