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Questions to Ponder

When life gets you down, just look up to the heavens and ask them, "Heavens, what's up with all the stupid questions?" You might get an answer, but don't hold your breath.

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Whose cruel idea was it for "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
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Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

If vampires can't see their own reflections, how is it that their hair is always so neat?

If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Are there cemetery workers that don’t work the graveyard shift?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

Is there another word for "synonym"?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Is animal shampoo tested on humans?

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Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Should a mute be yelled at for talking with their hands full?

Should crematoriums give a discount to burn victims?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

Why are wrong numbers never busy?

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning, and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

If you ate pasta and antipasta at the same time, would you still be hungry?

How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why do most countries have only one Monopolies Commission?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made from?

What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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