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Quotes About Sex

Truth #1: You can never have too much sex. Truth #2: You can never have too many quotes about sex. Truth #3: It is impossible to fold fitted sheets.

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To err is human, but it feels divine.
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Mae West

"You sleep with a guy once and before you know it he wants to take you to dinner." (Myers Yori)

"Chastity is curable, if detected early." (Anonymous)

"Great food is like great sex—the more you have the more you want." (Gael Greene)

"To err is human, but it feels divine." (Mae West)

"Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures." (Samuel Johnson)

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy." (Groucho Marx)

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘no.’" (Woody Allen)

"If it is not erotic, it is not interesting." (Fernando Arrabal)

"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it." (W.C. Fields)

"In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it is a fact." (Marlene Dietrich)

"Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

"There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should draw the line at goats." (Elton John)

"What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down." (Scott Roeben)

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What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.
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Scott Roeben

"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce." (J. Edgar Hoover)

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting." (Gloria Leonard)

"If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle." (Rita Mae Brown)

"The nice thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it." (Truman Capote)

"Love is the answer; but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." (Woody Allen)

"Losing my virginity was a career move." (Madonna)

"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." (Sophia Loren)

"Flirting is the act of making a man feel pleased with himself." (Helen Rowland)

"When choosing between evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before." (Mae West)

"Her kisses left something to be desired—the rest of her." (Anonymous)

"I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now." (Anonymous)

"Sex is the poor man's polo." (Clifford Odets)

"It's the good girls that keep the diaries. The bad girls never have the time." (Tallulah Bankhead)

"Don't knock masturbation—it's sex with someone I love." (Woody Allen)

"The penis mightier than the sword." (Mark Twain)

"Forget school kids--why don't they bus horny women?" (George Carlin)

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it." (Cary Grant)

"If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter." (George Carlin)

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror placed over my kitchen table." (Rodney Dangerfield)

"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful—provided you get between the right man and the right woman." (Woody Allen)

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What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap.
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James Agate

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." (Mae West)

"What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap." (James Agate)

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects." (Les Dawson)

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." (Woody Allen)

"My best birth control now is to leave the lights on." (Joan Rivers)

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty." (Woody Allen)

"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls." (Groucho Marx)

"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often." (Emo Philips)

"You know of course that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct." (Somerset Maugham)

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man." (Mignon McLaughlin)

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." (Woody Allen)

"If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips." (Woody Allen)

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L convertible." (P.J. O'Rourke)

"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." (Ken Hammond)

"Sex is God's joke on human beings." (Bette Davis)

"There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed." (George Burns)

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life." (Emo Philips)

"I am always looking for meaningful one night stands." (Dudley Moore)

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one." (Woody Allen)

"As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio." (Scott Roeben)

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less." (Brendan Francis)

"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk." (Andy Gibb)

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself." (Emo Philips)

"Sex at the age of eighty-four is a wonderful experience. Especially the one in the winter." (Milton Berle)

 "Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency." (Margo St. James)

"I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since." (Arturo Toscanini)

"Lead me not into temptation—I can find the way myself." (Rita Mae Brown)

"Isn't it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex?" (Rue McClanahan)

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Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
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Dorothy Parker

"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid." (Denis Leary)

"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother." (Charles Pierce)

 "To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals." (Don Schrader)

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie." (Dorothy Parker)

"I don't like sex on television. I keep falling off." (Saul Feldman)

"Ah, yes, divorce—from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." (Billy Crystal)

"I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?" (Hugh Grant)

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it." (Woody Allen)

"The only reason that I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." (Erma Bombeck)

"Sex drive—a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage." (Robert Byrne)

"The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love." (Don Rose)

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