We keep saying real life is funnier than anything made up! Here's more proof. These are real signs gathered from around the globe.
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
At a proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in."
On a septic tank truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's meals on wheels."
Sign at a gynecologist's office: "We're at your cervix."
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
At a propane filling station: "Thank heaven for little grills."
Sign at the psychics' hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you."
At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
Lot at veterinarian's office: "Parking for customers only, all others will be neutered."
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
Outside a maternity clothes shop: "We are open on Labor Day."
On the trucks of a plumbing company in Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a tire repair shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."
Pizza shop slogan: "Seven days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tattoo parlor: "Tattoos done while you wait."
In an office: "After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
Outside a Las Vegas motel: "This motel highly recommended by owner."
At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
On a pet shop: "All birds going cheap."
Sign in the middle of a field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."
In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
At a tattoo parlor: Tattoos done while you wait.
Outside a furniture store in Virginia: "Antique tables made here daily."
Seen during a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Sisters of Mercy."
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
In a safari park: "Elephants please stay in your car."
On the front of a Catholic elementary school: "Jesus is coming. No Bingo Sunday."
In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In an office: "Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken."
In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door, the bell doesn't work.)"
In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a laundromat: "Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out."
In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center."
On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
In a dry cleaner's window: "Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of."
On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."
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