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There's lots of news out there, but surprisingly little of it is geared toward those whose hammock doesn't quite reach both trees. Well, The Duh News is for those people. What follow are profoundly obvious headlines about our profoundly confounding times.

Osama Bin Laden Frontrunner to Win Hide-and-Seek Championship


Women Confess Size Does Matter


Conspiracy Theorists Suspicious About This Headline


Israelis and Palestinians May Harbor Resentment


Hilton Sisters Found to Not Know Value of Dollar


Rock-Scissors-Paper Champ Claims Game Repetitious


Tic-Tac-Toe Enthusiast Envies Excitement of Rock-Scissors-Paper


Greeting Card Companies Lobby for More Holidays


Kazaa May Not Respect Rights of Copyright Holders


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Smoking Responsible for Health Problems


Despite Promises, Rock Stars and Professional Athletes
Don’t Always Call After Sexual Encounters


Popular Soft Drinks Mostly Water


Income Tax: Not Everyone Honest in Filing


Michael Jackson Plastic Surgery Suspected


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Porn Films May Not Be Scripted Before Filming


HMOs May Not Pay All Claims


PETA Determined to Be Against Everything


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Politicians May Knowingly Make Promises During
Campaigns They Don't Intend to Keep


Microsoft Bullies Competitors


Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Relationship Unlikely to Last


School Shootings an Impediment to Learning


Exposed: Skydiving Might Be Dangerous


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Experts Report Strippers Just In It for the Money


Bullfighting May Not Be Fair Fight


Oprah Rumored to Be Controlling


"Playboy" Popularity Unrelated to Articles


Auto Mechanics Found to Overcharge for Some Services


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Duplicity Not a Detriment to "Survivor" Contestants


Those in the Know Insist Pro Wrestling Often Staged


O.J. Simpson Jury Miscalculated


Inflatable Dartboards Fail to Catch On
Submitted by Chris J.


Web Surfers Could Be Using Internet to Access Pornography
Submitted by Simon R.


Britney Spears' Popularity May Not Be Related to Vocal Talents
Submitted by Chris J.

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Report Shows Airlines Sometimes Intentionally Overbook Flights

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