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There's lots of news out there, but surprisingly little of it is geared toward those whose hammock doesn't quite reach both trees. Well, The Duh News is for those people. What follow are profoundly obvious headlines about our profoundly confounding times.


Osama Bin Laden Frontrunner to Win Hide-and-Seek Championship

 

Women Confess Size Does Matter

 

Conspiracy Theorists Suspicious About This Headline

 

Israelis and Palestinians May Harbor Resentment

 

Hilton Sisters Found to Not Know Value of Dollar

 

Rock-Scissors-Paper Champ Claims Game Repetitious

 

Tic-Tac-Toe Enthusiast Envies Excitement of Rock-Scissors-Paper

 

Greeting Card Companies Lobby for More Holidays

 

Kazaa May Not Respect Rights of Copyright Holders

 

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Smoking Responsible for Health Problems

 

Despite Promises, Rock Stars and Professional Athletes
Don’t Always Call After Sexual Encounters

 

Popular Soft Drinks Mostly Water

 

Income Tax: Not Everyone Honest in Filing

 

Michael Jackson Plastic Surgery Suspected

 

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Porn Films May Not Be Scripted Before Filming

 

HMOs May Not Pay All Claims

 

PETA Determined to Be Against Everything

 

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Politicians May Knowingly Make Promises During
Campaigns They Don't Intend to Keep

 

Microsoft Bullies Competitors

 

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Relationship Unlikely to Last

 

School Shootings an Impediment to Learning

 

Exposed: Skydiving Might Be Dangerous

 

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Experts Report Strippers Just In It for the Money

 

Bullfighting May Not Be Fair Fight

 

Oprah Rumored to Be Controlling

 

"Playboy" Popularity Unrelated to Articles

 

Auto Mechanics Found to Overcharge for Some Services

 

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Duplicity Not a Detriment to "Survivor" Contestants

 

Those in the Know Insist Pro Wrestling Often Staged

 

O.J. Simpson Jury Miscalculated

 

Inflatable Dartboards Fail to Catch On
Submitted by Chris J.

 

Web Surfers Could Be Using Internet to Access Pornography
Submitted by Simon R.

 

Britney Spears' Popularity May Not Be Related to Vocal Talents
Submitted by Chris J.

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Report Shows Airlines Sometimes Intentionally Overbook Flights

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