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As long as there is news, there will be strange news. And we'll be there, cutting and pasting and laughing until milk comes out of our collective nose.

Not the actual eye poker outer.

(Greece, AP) - A 30-year-old man forced his eyes out of their sockets to protest his arrest at Athens international airport, authorities said recently. Remi Tsolakis was taken to a hospital and received surgery to try and restore his eyesight, doctors said. Tsolakis was arrested after flying to Athens from the island of Rhodes. Airport authorities discovered he had an outstanding three-month jail sentence for a minor offense. He told police he did not have enough money to pay a fine in lieu of the sentence and would have to go to jail. Police gave no details of the offense.

(Texas, UPI) - A San Antonio man who allegedly padlocked his wife to a 30-foot dog chain in the backyard was in jail himself recently. One end of the chain was padlocked to 45-year-old Patricia Thomason's neck, and the other end was attached to a car where her husband Jerry Thomason, 41, was sleeping when police arrested him at their home. Firefighters used bolt cutters to remove the chain that was wrapped around the woman's neck and padlocked. She was treated and released later at a hospital. Police are not sure how long she had been chained up. Neighbors said the bizarre situation began when the woman told her husband she wanted to leave him. "He also had her in a cage, chained up in a cage, because he didn't want her to leave," neighbor Yolanda Esquivel told WOAI radio. Another neighbor who asked that his name not be used said Thomason had "said before he'd keep her in a cage if he had to." A neighbor had alerted police that Patricia Thomason had a chain around her neck when the couple dropped off their two sons at a school. Jerry Thomason was arrested on a charge of aggravated assault with bodily injury, and unlawful restraint. His bond was set at $35,000. Police said the couple had been married for 15 years.

(Louisiana) - A misprint in the 2004 BellSouth Yellow Pages for northeastern Louisiana means callers who dial an 800 number expecting the Office of Motor Vehicles are instead being connected to a phone sex line. What should have been an 877 number connecting callers to the OMV in Baton Rouge was printed as an 800 number that gives callers over 18 the opportunity to "talk only to the girls who turn you on" for $1.99 per minute by pushing the number one on a touch-tone phone. BellSouth regional spokesman Wynn Lawrence says the company is aware of the error and regrets any inconvenience it has caused.

(England) - A golfer has told how he completed a round despite being hit by lightning twice within 30 minutes. Pub manager Vincenzo Frascella, 50, of Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, was struck on the 14th and 17th holes of the Orton Meadows Golf Course in Peterborough, England. Both times bolts struck the tip of his umbrella as he sheltered during storms. "It's one of those things where you don't know whether you're lucky to be alive or unlucky to have been hit. I actually think I was a bit unlucky," said Frascella, a father of two who has a golf handicap of 25. "The first time there was a flash and I felt it go down my arm. The second was a bit worse. It went through my shoulder blade. It was like needles going all the way from my shoulder down my arm. I carried on and finished the round. I didn't think too much of it to be honest. I haven't been checked out or anything and I haven't felt any ill effects. I won't tell you my score. It was a bad day. But I don't think that was anything to do with the lightning. I just had a stinker." Frascella said he had been told the chances of lightning striking a person twice were about three million to one. He added, "It's certainly a day I'll remember."

(Missouri, Wireless Flash) - Talk about killing two birds with one stone: A new device for neutered pets combines an ID chip with a testicular implant. The so-called NeuticlesID is a pair of silicone globes, one of which contains a microchip with the pet's vital information. A veterinarian inserts the "faux" testicles into the animal during neutering, and can retrieve ID information at any time afterward using a special scanner. Creator Gregg Miller says unlike regular microchips, which are placed under the skin of the neck, there's no concern about his chip dislodging and migrating to other parts of the body. The procedure costs anywhere from $153 to $203, depending on the size of the implants (from Chihuahua to Great Dane).

(Massachusetts) - An 80-year-old Hingham woman was scammed of $7,500 recently. The entire situation started when someone called the elderly woman at her home claiming that he was her grandson. The caller said he was in trouble and needed money immediately. He told the woman to drop the money off at Quincy City Hall where a black male would flag her down. The woman and her husband picked the man up at City Hall and drove to another location where they gave him the money. The elderly woman stated, "I thought something was wrong when he gave me the wrong name, but then he turned out to be a black guy. It wasn't until later that I realized we didn't have any black grandsons." The suspect is described as about 30 years old, six feet, 200 pounds. Police say there have been several of these types of scams on the South Shore and they ask anyone who gets a similar call to contact their local police department immediately.

(Thailand) - Some nude performers at a Pattaya, Thailand go-go bar obviously didn't realize certain members of the enthralled audience were actually members of the local vice squad. After watching the sex show for an unreported length of time, Pol Maj Col Vasu Seangsuksai and his team of undercover officers sprang into action and arrested the seven performers: six women and one man. Police confiscated as evidence a number of items used in the stage show, including an unspecified number of bananas, packs of cigarettes, candles, two goldfish and two ping-pong balls.

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Diaper Thief Sentenced to Treatment
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(Norway) - A Sarpsborg man who gets a turn-on from diapers and the clothing of women and children will get a last chance to avoid prison if he agrees to get treatment for his obsessions. The 29-year-old was arrested on two new counts, Norwegian Broadcasting reports. Previous attempts to stem the man's bizarre thievery have included an injunction against his visiting day care centers and forcing him to visit police twice a day. In the end of July last year the man broke into a day care center and stole a backpack, a changing bag, children's clothing, diapers and a doll. He has repeatedly stolen diapers and children's clothing. The court believes the thefts have a clear connection with deviant sexual urges.

(Philadelphia, AP) - A Nigerian who authorities said tried to gnaw off his fingertips in jail so he couldn't be identified through fingerprints pleaded guilty to identity fraud. Olugbemia Olusajo faces up to five years in prison and is likely to be deported, prosecutors said. Olusajo and his wife were arrested last year and accused of setting up bogus credit card accounts. Shortly after he was arrested, prosecutors said Olusajo tried to conceal his identity by soaking his fingers in a jail toilet, then chewing away the softened skin. He was unsuccessful, according to prosecutors.

(Vietnam) - A drunk Vietnamese tourist who ran into an elephant he didn't see standing in the street was injured when the animal picked him up and tossed him aside, an official said. Vu Quang Phuc, 39, was rushed to a hospital after Saturday's attack, said the official of Buon Don tourist site in Daklak province, some 220 miles northeast of Ho Chi Minh City. He suffered three broken ribs and bruises on his face and body, a doctor at the hospital in Ho Chi Minh City said. Phuc was among a group of tourists from Ho Chi Minh City. He stumbled out of a restaurant when he heard an 8-year-old boy wailing on the ground after tripping, said the official. Phuc didn't see the full-grown elephant-one of several dozen owned by villagers in the area-and he ran into it. The animal lifted him up with its trunk and pitched him several meters.

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