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Not an actual Bosnian blonde.

BLONDE JOKES TO BE MADE ILLEGAL IN BOSNIA
(Bosnia) - Blonde jokes are set to be made illegal in Bosnia under new laws that will enable women to sue people who make jokes about their hair color. The gender equality law will make it an offense to tell jokes about women based on their hair color. Savima Terzic, director of the International Group for Human Rights, told Bosnian daily newspaper Nezavisne Novine, "The new law on gender equality would enable blonde women to sue anyone who tells jokes that offend them, even if those jokes were just based on the color of their hair." Blonde jokes are said to be massively popular in Bosnia.

GERMAN CUTS OFF OWN PENIS TO CURE SEX ADDICTION
(Germany, Reuters) - A German cut off his own penis with a kitchen knife to cure his addiction to sex, police in the southern town of Tiengen said. "The man called a friend around eight o'clock to say he'd done something stupid," police said in a statement. He had been drinking vodka to pluck up courage for the amateur surgery. Police arrived to discover the blood-soaked man, 41, in his apartment and his organ under the kitchen table. Emergency services rushed the man and his penis to a nearby hospital. Police said the man did not want his penis to be reattached.

CASHIERS DIAPERED TO AVOID BREAKS
(Argentina, Reuters) - Supermarket cashiers in Argentina are being forced to wear diapers to keep them from taking toilet breaks at work, a union says. Female cashiers in western Mendoza province must wear adult diapers in case "cold, nerves, pressure or stress" provoke incontinence, union official Jorge Cordova told local news agency Diarios y Noticias. Cordova refused to name the supermarket, but he did say the chain is backed by foreign capital, said Sandra Varela, Mendoza's labor subsecretary. "The truth is, it's difficult to imagine a line of 20 adult cashiers wearing diapers for eight hours," said Varela, who is investigating the matter. "In 17 years as a labor lawyer, I've never heard anything like this before," she added.

DEAD WOMAN TOLD TO TIDY GRAVE
(England) - A letter was sent to a woman who died three years ago ordering her to tidy up her own memorial plaque. Leeds City Council mistakenly gave Moira Thoms 14 days to remove two vases, each containing a single white rose, from around the plaque at Lawnswood Cemetery where her ashes are scattered. The council admits it has received more than 30 complaints from grieving relatives after sending out 200 similar letters to other families. Mrs. Thoms' husband, Joe, told BBC News Online he could not forgive the council for the distress they have caused his family. He said, "When I got the letter I was numb because it was the shock of my life. It has not only upset me, but my family as well. I had come to terms with my wife's death but unfortunately this has brought everything back. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Thoms said his wife's name was even incorrectly spelled in the letter as "Mrs. Thomas."

MAN BITES OFF GIRLFRIEND'S NOSE BUT KEEPS HER LOVE
(Berlin, Reuters) - A woman in Germany says she still loves her boyfriend even though he bit her nose off. Judge Beatrix Homann said her court in the western city of Hanover had sentenced the 26-year-old man to 18 months in jail for the assault, but that his partner, 50, had forgiven him. "I still love this man," the judge quoted the woman, who has had six operations to build a synthetic nose, as saying at the recent hearing. "He was just drunk," Homann told Reuters.

BLOW-UP BRIDE PROVED DEADLY
(Brazil) - A Brazilian man who considered an inflatable puppet his "bride" killed his parents because they demanded he divorce her and damaged the toy, media reports said recently. The 44-year-old unemployed man apparently confessed to the crime after a long interrogation by police in a suburb of Sao Paulo city, a police spokesman said. "The man thought the doll was a human being, called her his bride and talked to her," an acquaintance of the family was quoted as saying. But his parents, who were religious, demanded he separate from the doll. When the mother took scissors and cut holes in the man's "bride," the man strangled and stabbed his father, age 70, and mother, age 71. "My parents didn't love me and didn't understand me," the man was quoted as saying.

POINTY HIGH-HEELS GIVE VANDAL AWAY
(Norway, Reuters) - A Norwegian vandal who ransacked offices in a city hall and stole a pair of shoes to disguise his footprints as he escaped was nabbed after police saw him running awkwardly from the scene on pointy black high-heels. A pair of worn-out tennis shoes found at the scene of the crime convinced police that the 19-year-old man, who could not explain his choice of footwear, was to blame. Police said he later admitted breaking into the Soerum city hall in southeast Norway where walls were daubed with graffiti including a swastika in the overnight break-in. "We thought it was strange that he was wearing women's shoes, especially since he could not explain why," sheriff Harald Kopperud told Reuters. "When someone found a pair of old tennis shoes at the city hall we put two and two together and got four," Kopperud said. Police said the man had probably donned a pair of shoes left in the office by a city hall employee, hoping to avoid leaving tracks from his own shoes, but forgot to take his own shoes with him when the alarm sounded and he fled.

NEW PENIS GROWN ON BOY'S ARM
(Russia) - Doctors have grown a new penis on a Russian boy's arm after he lost his old one in a bizarre accident. The 16-year-old, named Malik, lost his penis after receiving an electric shock while urinating on an electric wire. Surgeons grew a new penis on his arm and have now moved it to his groin. The Russian Clinical Hospital for Children surgeons created it by putting an empty latex cylinder in Malik's forearm and pumping a solution into it every day, reports Pravda. The cylinder grew on the boy's arm for 10 months until it took on the shape of a penis. Douglas Murray, a past president of the British Association of Plastic Surgeons, said this kind of plastic surgery is not uncommon. Murray said, "He would probably be able to stand up and urinate instead of having to sit and do so."

DEFENDANT BOLTS BEFORE VERDICT OF INNOCENT
(Florida) - A 24-year-old man on trial for allegedly selling cocaine bolted court during a break and never returned. He missed out on hearing the jury's innocent verdict. Patre Eugene Williams was facing up to 30 years in prison if convicted of selling cocaine within 1,000 feet of a school. But Williams didn't stick around to hear his fate. According to his defense attorney, John D. Mills, the state had concluded its case against Williams and it was time for his client to decide if he wanted to testify. "He was undecided," Mills said. "He asked the judge to take an afternoon break." Circuit Judge James R. Thompson complied, but when the trial resumed, Williams couldn't be found. Mills told the judge security officers said Williams left the courthouse. Thompson gave Williams 15 minutes to return, then said, "We're going to finish the trial without him." The two sides presented closing arguments, and the jury returned after 30 minutes with the verdict. Mills said he didn't expect Williams to face any consequences from leaving. "The judge didn't issue a bench warrant" for his arrest, Mills said. "He wasn't in contempt of court. He just left."

DISGRUNTLED TATTOO ARTIST INKS HIS REVENGE
(Pittsburgh) - Pitt junior Brandon Smith wanted a tattoo that proclaimed his manliness, so he decided to get the Chinese characters for "strength" and "honor" on his chest. After 20 minutes under the needle of local tattoo artist Andy Sakai, he emerged with the symbol for "small penis" embedded in his flesh. "I had it for months before I knew what it really meant," Smith said. "Then I went jogging through the Carnegie Mellon campus and a group of Asian kids started laughing and calling me Shorty. That's when I knew something was up." Sakai, an award-winning tattoo artist, was tired of seeing sacred Japanese words, symbols of his heritage, inked on random white people, so he used their blissful ignorance to make an everlasting statement. Any time a customer came to Sakai's home studio wanting Japanese tattooed on them, he modified it into a profane word or phrase. In the last month, seven people unknowingly received explicit tattoos from the disgruntled artist.

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