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Not an actual frustrated robber.
ROBBERS ARGUE OVER HOLD-UP NOTE
(Indiana) - Two would-be robbers left an Indiana convenience store empty-handed after getting into an argument about the contents of a note they handed to the clerk. The two men entered the 7-Eleven store in Mishawaka, Indiana, left the store and came back a few minutes later. One of them handed the clerk a note saying, in part, "Put it in the bag." When the clerk said she didn't understand what that meant, the man who handed her the note said he didn't know either because his buddy wrote it. The two men began to argue and left the store. They are still at large.
STUDENT CUTS OFF PENIS AND TONGUE
A student cut off his penis and tongue with garden shears while tripping on a hallucinogenic drug. The 18-year-old German went into his garden and set about severing his organs after downing a tea made with the plant Angels' Trumpet. The plant is a powerful and dangerous hallucinogen. Doctors were unable to re-attach either his penis or tongue. The student has been named only as Andreas, from Halle in Germany. His mother said, "Andreas was behaving normally the whole day until he left the house and disappeared into the garden for a couple of minutes." When he returned to the house he was wearing a towel wrapped around him and was bleeding heavily from his mouth and between his legs. Angels' Trumpet is the latest drug craze to sweep Germany. Doctors said the teenager would need years of support.
POLICE NAB VICIOUS CROW BY GETTING IT DRUNK
(Germany, Reuters) - German police apprehended a vicious crow which was attacking passersby by getting it drunk on bait laced with alcohol, authorities said. The bird eluded its captors after attacking a woman and a young girl until cat food, soaked in high-alcohol fruit schnapps, proved too tempting to resist. "The crow was completely smashed," said a spokesman for police. Police said the crow was sleeping off its hangover in a local animal home.
WOMAN SURRENDERS IN TESTICLE-SQUEEZING DEATH
(Cambodia, AP) - A woman in Cambodia has given herself up to authorities after accidentally killing her husband in a scuffle in which she squeezed his testicles until he fainted, a newspaper reported. Saut Chin was fed up with physical abuse from her husband when she grabbed his testicles until he passed out. Fearing that her husband, Ouch Yan, might regain consciousness and start beating her again, Saut Chin tied his neck with a scarf to a bed. The exact cause of Ouch Yan's death was not known. Saut Chin and her husband Ouch Yan were arguing when the husband then kicked his wife in the crotch. "Hurt badly and fed up, she grabbed her husband's testicles and squeezed them with full strength until he fell unconscious on the spot," said authorities. After discovering her husband was dead, Saut Chin reported herself to local authorities and asked to be jailed. She said she had not intended to kill her husband "but only to teach him a lesson."
SAUDI WEDS FOUR IN ONE CEREMONY TO SPITE EX-WIFE
(Saudi Arabia, Reuters) - A Saudi man married four women in one night only to prove to his estranged first wife that he was still attractive, a newspaper reported. After the failed marriage, which only lasted several months, the man's wife told him that "no woman would ever marry him," al-Watan newspaper said. "So, he swore to marry four women just to prove her wrong," it said. Polygamy is relatively common in Saudi Arabia, a conservative society with deep Islamic and tribal roots. Under the country's Islamic law, men are allowed to marry up to four wives at the same time.
GERMAN TELEVISIONS CATCH FIRE
(Germany, Reuters) - A German TV network's regular early morning film of a burning log is playing havoc with night owls and even tricked a woman into calling out the fire brigade. A spokesman for police in the northern German town of Luebeck said that the woman woke up thinking her television was on fire, called emergency services and alerted her neighbors. "Fire services rushed in and extinguished the 'blaze' using the television remote control," the spokesman said. Sabine Kreft of the RTL network said the "burning log" video, which runs from three until six in the morning, is popular, promotes congeniality, but is distinguishable from a real fire. "Once I heard an old lady poured water on her TV. But most people should really be able to tell the difference."
FOUR INJURED IN BRAWL DURING CHURCH MASS
(Rhode Island) - Four people were injured recently when a fight reportedly broke out in a Central Falls, Rhode Island church during mass, according to a report. The incident happened at Saint Ephraim's Church on Washington Street. Police said something set off a family feud in the pews. The situation turned to chaos, with fists flying and parishioners looking for cover. When it was over, four people were taken to a local hospital for injuries, police said. Two others were arrested for disorderly conduct. One church member said similar incidents have happened twice before at the church, each time involving the same family.
FAMILY ANGRY OVER 500-POUND WOMAN'S BURIAL
(Ohio) - Barbara Norris of Norwood, Ohio died at the age of 63. Norris weighed more than 500 pounds, so her children were concerned from the beginning about making sure her casket was big enough. Family members said they checked with the funeral director to make sure everything was in order. Mercedes Morris and the rest of the family said they were horrified when they showed up for the funeral. According to WLWT, the casket was larger than a standard-sized casket. However, the family said it still was not big enough. According to Barbara Norris' grandson, Joe Moreno, "They asked me to lay on the top of the casket to try to get the lock down," Moreno said. Said Michael Norris, son of the deceased, "The guy and my nephew were both laying on the thing trying to lock the coffin." The efforts to close the casket apparently were unsuccessful, and the casket was open when Barbara Norris was buried. Michael Norris said, "I stood there and watched them pour dirt on my mom knowing that that casket was not closed properly. You couldn't see her body but you could see the lining of the casket." The funeral director said he did his best, under unusual circumstances, to accommodate the family. He said also that he had no knowledge of his employees lying on the casket or of the casket failing to close.
SCIENTIST CUTS THE PERFECT CHEESE SANDWICH
(England, Reuters) - A British scientist has calculated the optimum thickness for a slice of cheese to make the perfect cheese sandwich, according to a study. In a bite-sized sandwich using pre-sliced white bread lightly buttered with margarine, a slice of cheddar needs to be at least .11 inches thick, the study found. Dr. Len Fisher from Bristol University was commissioned by the British Cheese Board to work out how to maximize the "cheesy" aroma in a sandwich. "After a certain thickness, no increased amount of cheese will increase the 'cheesy aroma' impact of the sandwich," said Fisher. Tests done on the contribution of tomato and pickle found that tomatoes boosted the cheesiness flavor, whereas pickles did not.
THOU SHALT NOT CROSS ON RED, CHURCH TELLS PEDESTRIANS
(Russia) - The Russian Orthodox Church in the Urals has declared jay walking a sin in an attempt to cut rising pedestrian deaths. The move came after traffic police complained that dozens of elderly citizens were being killed in the region every year. The sight of the elderly shuffling across busy roads is common in Russia. The problem is compounded by an epidemic of careless driving in a country where "Pedestrian Crossing" signs are all but ignored. Now the church has stepped in. In a service in Yekaterinburg, a priest told parishioners that God would frown on them if they crossed the road on a red light. Father Germogen told the congregation, "We are always rushing, and there seems to be no end to it. But by violating these mundane laws, you are violating the law of God!" He said later, "After the service an old woman came to me crying, saying she had never dreamt that crossing on a red light was a sin." He admitted that he had an ulterior motive as a driver himself. "I cannot but be angry when people just throw themselves under my car," he said.
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