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Not the actual surgical mask-loving fetishist.

FETISHIST BANNED FROM HOSPITALS
(London, Reuters) - A man with a fetish for medical items has become the first person to be banned from every hospital in England and Wales. Norman Hutchins has harassed and abused medical staff more than 40 times in recent months in his quest for surgical masks and gowns. The court banned him from all hospitals, as well as doctors' and dentists' offices. Hutchins tried to obtain medical items by feigning illness, or claiming to need them for an amateur play. "He has caused harassment, alarm and distress to hospital staff when attempting to obtain gowns and surgical masks in person or on the phone," a spokesman said. More than 30 local health organizations banned him with civil injunctions, but Hutchins kept moving to new areas. Hutchins' lawyer said his client "was not a well man," but accepted the court's decision. If he needs medical treatment, Hutchins will be allowed to visit hospitals or doctors under strictly controlled conditions, or with prior written consent.

TIMELY CALL
(Ohio, AP) - Mary Dhume figures she got a phone call from God. The central Ohio woman was watching TV in her home recently when the phone rang. She got up to answer it, but there was no one at the other end. Moments later, a pick-up truck crashed into her living room where Dhume had been sitting. The driver of the truck missed a curve on the road in front of Dhume's home. Dhume says maybe the phone call was God's way of telling her to get out of the way. The driver ran, but was arrested a few hours later.

PROPOSED DUTCH LAW WOULD BAN UNSOLICITED TOE-LICKING
(Netherlands, Reuters) - Unsolicited toe-licking would be banned in the Netherlands under a law sought by the Dutch Labor party after police were unable to prosecute a would-be Casanova with a taste for female toes because he had committed no crime. A police spokesman said a man had been detained after women sunning themselves in Rotterdam's parks and beaches claimed he had snuck up on them and begun to lick their toes. "The officers had to let him go. Licking a stranger's toes is rather unusual but there is really nothing criminal about it," the spokesman said. Dutch press reports said the man had been licking the toes of strangers for about three years but was only recently caught by police. Peter van Heemst, a member of parliament, asked Justice Minister Piet Hein Donner to explain why Dutch laws forbid littering but not uninvited toe-licking. Van Heemst demanded an amendment prohibiting it. "It is a violation of one's privacy and one's physical integrity," he told a local news agency.

ROMANIAN DESPERATE FOR MONEY
(Romania) - A Romanian man says he has decided to sell his penis because he needs money more than anything, including having sex. The 33-year-old man from Rovinari, Gorj County, claims he needs financial support to take care of his younger brothers. He said he doesn't really need his penis but knows somebody who does. Constantin Dugulan told Gazeta de Sud newspaper, "I saw on TV that a doctor cut a patient's penis by mistake and I thought that man might be interested in buying mine. I am not sure this operation is possible, but if it is, I am ready to give up my penis for a better life." The man said he was about to sell one of his kidneys and also an eye a few years ago but his client changed his mind.

FELINE SPIRITS FORCE ORISSA SCHOOL TO CLOSE
(India) - In a bizarre incident, a girl's school in Orissa, India has been closed after its students started behaving abnormally. Teachers claim at least a dozen girls have taken ill under mysterious circumstances, all fainting without a cause, only to wake up and start behaving like cats. So many incidents have been reported that necromancers have been called in to remove these so-called "evil spirits." According to the teachers, all the affected girls are between eight and 12 years old. They were seen clawing their own faces and shrieking like felines. "First three girls fell down when they came to school. We thought they hadn't had food so we gave them something to eat but after that also they were not normal and behaved strangely," said school headmistress Manjubala Pande. "The next day, six to seven girls started crying, fell down on the floor and made sounds like that of a cat. We immediately informed others in the village, but after the faintings and behavior happened again, we were forced to shut the school."

GOD WILL PROVIDE, BUT HE MAY NOT FINANCE
(New Mexico) - All he needed was a Bible and a lot of attitude. A young man drove up in a pick-up truck to a Farmington, N.M., Chevrolet dealership, walked in and demanded that he be given a new car, reports the Daily Times of Farmington. When asked how he planned to pay for the vehicle, the man's answer was simple: Jesus would finance it for him. Then he became threatening. "He said, 'If you don't give me the keys to the car, I'm going to drive it [the pick-up] through the showroom window,'" said Webb Chevrolet Toyota finance officer Bob Bish. The man, who identified himself as Ray Montano, then walked back out to the gray Ford Ranger truck sitting in the parking lot as employees and customers quickly backed away. "He said he was going to do it," salesman Dwayne Carlson told the newspaper. And do it he did. Montano gunned the engine, jumped the truck over the parking-space block, picked up a little speed and went straight into the front windows, shattering glass and knocking over a chair and a plant.

COSTLY FAKE BANK NOTES PUZZLE POLICE
(Tokyo, Reuters) - Japanese police have been scratching their heads in bewilderment over the country's latest counterfeiting trend: fake bills that cost as much to make as their face value. Experts estimate that it cost 1,000 yen to make each of the more than 400 bogus 1,000 yen notes that have turned up in vending machines in Saitama Prefecture, north of Tokyo, suggesting profit was not the motive. "Police suspect a techno-maniac is involved," the Asahi said. The fake bills are made by replacing the middle strip of genuine notes with a color photocopy, and securing them with tape. To the human eye they are obviously bogus, but they fool some older vending machines.

JACKASS BRITON IS FREED
(Austria) - A waitress accused of killing a drunk by persuading him to run head first into a wall has been cleared of manslaughter. A court in Salzburg, Austria, ruled that British citizen Lisa Biliamoria, 29, was not to blame for the death of Gerhard Renzl, 30. Renzl put on a crash helmet and ran full speed into the wall to win drinks in a game copied from MTV's "Jackass." He broke his neck and died in the hospital. Witnesses claimed Biliamoria encouraged Renzl to join in the game. But a judge said there was not enough evidence to prove she caused his death.

40 PIECES OF FISH DISAPPEAR FROM LUGGAGE
(Alaska, AP) - Something fishy happened to Ray Bolanos' luggage. Somewhere between Anchorage and Seattle, about 40 meticulously wrapped and packed one-pound pieces of fresh-caught halibut vanished from his checked bags. "I really just feel violated," Bolanos said from his home in Kenmore, Washington. Bolanos said his bags appeared on the luggage carousel at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport almost immediately after he arrived. But one of the two coolers of fish was missing the rope he'd tied around it in Anchorage. Inside, Bolanos found his rope and a few halibut scraps. Bolanos complained to Continental Airlines and both airports, but so far there have been no clues to what happened to the fish he caught on Kachemak Bay. A fish theft is unusual, said Brenee Davis, Continental's Anchorage general manager. "Usually when you hear about theft, it's electronic goods, cell phones, things like that," she said. "Never fish."

MAN'S NAME A BIG TURN-OFF FOR GIRLS
(Taiwan) - Women are scared off by his suggestive name, says Lan Shang-ta, a Taiwanese man who finally tied the knot with a Vietnamese bride. According to Shang-ta, his name scared off all his dates. The women were presumably turned off or embarrassed when they were introduced by matchmakers to Shang-ta. His name sounds like "lan seung tua," which literally means "penis too big" in Hokkien, the most widely-spoken language in Taiwan. His burly build does not help either, Shang-ta told a Taiwanese newspaper. "The girls were probably scared off by the strong suggestion of sex in my name, as well as my body weight," he exclaimed. Shang-ta has been the butt of many jokes, but he will not change his name. The cheerful man told his family that he liked it since people would always remember him. Even a traffic cop let him off once because he was so tickled by the name.

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