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For this installment of "Real (Strange) News," we go to the Lodi News-Sentinal. Lodi is a small town in California, and these entries, culled from the logs of the Lodi Police Department, provide an amusing collection of some of the best strange news of 2004.

Not the actual drunken dancers.

Jan. 4, 1:35 a.m.: Two drunk females on foot were in the Jack in the Box drive-through, 2425 W. Kettleman Lane, doing a "strange dance."

Feb. 11, 4:25 p.m.: A paranoid man at Woodlake Place Apartments, 2440 W. Turner Road, thought people were following him and that spiders were on him.

March 15, 3:37 p.m.: Two juveniles were shooting some kind of gun at a mannequin in a back yard in the 1100 block of Port Chelsea Circle.

April 1, 7:48 p.m.: A man thought there were 99 people creeping around outside his residence in the 1200 block of Woodhaven Lane.

April 5, 4:53 p.m.: Two females armed with golf clubs were fighting at Bellflowers Apartments, 205 Daisy Ave. They were separated by the time police arrived.

April 28, 2:55 p.m.: A student at Lodi Academy, 230 S. Central Ave., called police to ask that handcuffs be cut off after a prank.

May 4, 3:59 p.m.: A woman on Allen Drive wanted to talk to an officer about what might happen in the future.

May 24, 10:53 a.m.: A man went to the police station because he thought his boss may have attached a device under his truck.

June 2, 10:11 a.m.: Officers were called to do an area check in the 600 block of Lincoln Avenue for juveniles who were reportedly covering cars with shaving cream and salsa.

June 2, 5:02 p.m.: A juvenile duct taped to a chair was seen running south on Mills Avenue.

July 1, 9:38 p.m.: Two people got into an argument over a dirty bathtub in the 1900 block of Victoria Drive

July 20, 6:16 a.m.: It "took a whole cigarette for the light to change" at the northbound intersection of West Lodi Avenue and South Hutchins Street.

July 20, 10:02 a.m.: A resident in the 800 block of North Mills Avenue was mad because a neighbor took her picture.

July 24, 12:17 a.m.: A dog with no respect for people who have to get up early was barking in the 600 block of North Church Street.

July 27, 4:10 p.m.: A 14-year-old girl in the 1300 block of South Lee Avenue received a slanderous letter from Santa.

July 28, 6:24 p.m.: A man was making animal noises in front of Avenue Grill, 506 W. Lodi Ave.

Aug. 11, 9:53 p.m.: A female phoned a Lodi teenager, saying she was in the trunk of a Buick and was possibly at Wal-Mart, 2350 W. Kettleman Lane. Officers checked vehicles in the lot, and at other shopping centers, and found nothing.

Aug. 25, 4:17 p.m.: An 18-year-old was in the emergency room at Lodi Memorial Hospital, 975 S. Fairmont Ave., with facial lacerations because he "fell in his beer."

Aug. 25, 7:23 a.m.: A balding man was walking back and forth in the 0-100 block of West Vine Street, yelling, knocking on doors, cracking a bull whip and holding a sword cover.

Aug. 25, 12:11 p.m.: A suspicious man in a black leather jacket was riding a seatless bicycle while looking into vehicles at City Hall, 221 W. Pine St. Twenty minutes later, he was taking a bath in the adjacent fountain.

Sept. 6, 8:30 p.m.: A man at the Comfort Inn, 118 N. Cherokee Lane, said someone was chasing him. An hour later, after switching to the Budget Inn, 917 S. Cherokee Lane, he was saying that people were locking his room door. Another hour later, this time at the Holiday Inn, 1140 S. Cherokee Lane, he said people were following him. At midnight, he was still calling 9-1-1. Two hours later, officers began a case against him because he would not stop calling 9-1-1.

Sept. 13, 1:42 a.m.: A caller drove over a piece of carpet that was on fire in an alley between Pine and Oak Streets and put it out.

Sept. 15, 5:44 p.m.: A man with no shirt, shorts or shoes stole shoes from a fellow patient in the emergency room at Lodi Memorial Hospital, 975 S. Fairmont Ave., and ran from the hospital.

Sept 20, 11:49 a.m.: After leaving a strange love note at a woman's door in the 500 block of Daisy Avenue, a man was staring at her from across the street. She had no idea who he was.

Sept. 20, 12:42 p.m.: Someone needed advice on marital woes in the 200 block of Mulberry Circle.

Sept. 28, 2:41 p.m.: Hunting arrows were continuously landing in a man's back yard in the 200 block of East Century Boulevard.

Oct. 12, 12:46 a.m.: A woman's house was shaking in the 300 block of East Pine Street, and it was not caused by music.

Oct. 15, 9:08 p.m.: A man violated a restraining order, entered a house in the 1000 block of Laurel Avenue, took a parrot and threatened to kill it.

Oct. 19, 12:06 p.m.: Someone thought a woman had been assaulted because she was bleeding from the mouth as she carried a blanket and walked north in the 900 block of South Garfield Street. It turned out to be a cold sore.

Nov. 15, 8:19 p.m.: A shopping cart was on the loose on Hutchins Street south of Kettleman Lane.

Nov. 18, 8:12 a.m.: A man wearing a raincoat and hat was talking to himself at the Depot, 24 S. Sacramento St. He said he had an "automatic mechanism" and "has everything under control."

Dec. 21, 6:30 p.m.: A woman may have been attacking her furniture with a knife in the 500 block of Almond Drive.

Dec. 28, 7 a.m.: Someone complained about a rooster crowing on Christmas morning in the 300 block of Flora Street.

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