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Oh, stop your whining. We have plenty of weird news yet to come.


Not one of the actual exotic dancers posing as an art subject.

NUDE CLUB HANDS OUT PENCILS, SKETCH PADS
(Idaho, AP) - A city ordinance bans complete nudity at all gentleman's clubs in Boise, Idaho, but one club, Erotic City, has challenged that ordinance by distributing pencils and sketch pads to patrons during "art night." The ordinance does give nudity exclusions for artistic displays which include dance, ballet and dramatic performances, so every Monday and Tuesday, the club encourages customers to sketch the models as they perform nude routines. "As far as the Boise city code, it specifies it has to be a serious artistic manner and this is a serious artistic manner," said Chris Teague, Erotic City owner. The club has put on art night for two months, and Teague said he has not received any complaints. Boise Police officials say the club has not been cited for any ordinance violations.

ACCUSED BANK ROBBER'S NOTE LEADS POLICE RIGHT TO HIM
(Wisconsin) - A bank robber's note helped police catch the man who allegedly held up a Wells Fargo Bank in downtown Milwaukee. The robber handed the teller the demand, and the teller gave him the money and he left. He was quickly arrested when it was discovered he wrote the note on the back of his probation papers. He was on probation for a previous bank robbery.

RABBI RULES IT'S BETTER TO SWALLOW GUM
(Jerusalem, AP) - Your chewing gum has just lost its flavor, but there is no garbage can in sight. What do you do? According to Jewish law, get ready to swallow it. A prominent Israeli rabbi has ruled that spitting gum on a sidewalk or hiding it under a desk is a violation of Halacha or Jewish law, the Yediot Ahronot newspaper reported. "Gum cannot be thrown where others are liable to be disgusted by it," said Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu, the rabbi of the holy city of Safed. Improperly discarded gum may appear to be hidden, but "God knows" where it is, Eliyahu said. Swallowing the gum is a better solution, the rabbi said, though he criticized the use of chewing gum in general. "Chewing gum is the practice of lower forms of life. It expresses inner tension and lack of control. People with self-respect do not chew gum except on special occasions because of special circumstances," he said.

DRUNK BIRDS CRASH INTO BUILDING'S GLASS
(South Carolina, AP) - Dozens of birds, drunk from eating holly berries, crashed into the glass of an office building and died earlier this week in Columbia, South Carolina. "It was like an Alfred Hitchcock movie," worker Denise Wilkinson said. "It was spooky. You could hear them where they flew into the glass." Warm weather and an ample supply of berries attracted hundreds of cedar waxwings into the enclosed courtyard of a three-story building. "The birds began getting drunk on the berries. They got so loopy that some were falling off branches and others were slamming into the glass walls that enclose the courtyard," said Burgess Mills, the building's owner. About half of the 100 birds that slammed into the building died, workers said.

WEDGIE GETS TWO TEENS ARRESTED
(Chicago) - An ordinarily harmless prank resulted in the arrests of two Chicago teenagers this week after they apparently got carried away and injured a 12-year-old by giving him repeated wedgies, a local TV station reported. The incident happened at a Department of Children and Family Services center for wards of the state in the uptown neighborhood, police said. Two males, 16 and 17, got into a quarrel with the younger boy and then took turns pulling up his underpants. The 12-year-old boy sustained bruises that required medical attention. Police were called, and they arrested the two older youths. The 17-year-old was charged with misdemeanor battery, police said. The alleged victim is expected to recover from his injuries, officials said.

WOMAN FINDS PENIS IN TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE
(Sweden, AFP) - A Swedish woman reportedly found a penis in a bottle of ketchup. Viktoria Ed said she was lucky enough to discover the organ before putting the sauce on her bread rolls, unlike her husband Stefan and their children. "It looked like a penis, of an adult if it's human, and medium-sized," she said. "It's disgusting. The top of the bottle was intact, as if it had just left the factory. We would like to know how this thing ended up in a ketchup bottle." The Godegaarden brand ketchup was made in Turkey and distributed in Sweden by the company Axfood. The shop where the ketchup was bought has thrown out the rest of its stock. "I will never buy this brand again, it's finished," vowed Ed. Police have taken the object for analysis.

SON MISTAKES PARENTS' SEX FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE
(Texas) - A 16-year-old boy was charged with shooting his father in their home. The shooting was originally reported as a case of domestic abuse, but deputies said the boy apparently witnessed a sexual act between his parents and thought the father was abusing the mother. Sheriff's deputies charged the boy with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a first-degree felony. Detectives told reporters the mother and father were engaged in consensual sex when the shooting occurred inside the family's home. Investigators said the couple's 11-year-old son woke up to his mother making loud noises. "During the course of lovemaking, the wife was evidently being somewhat loud, loud enough to wake the children up," Harris County Sheriff's Department Sgt. Mike Smith. The boy woke up his brother, who then walked into his parent's bedroom and told his father, 43-year-old Jacob Hughes, to leave his mother alone. Officials said that is when the teen shot his father in the arm. "The children interpreted the noise as their mother being in danger," Smith said. Authorities said they have not determined whether the mother was screaming for help.

MAN ROBS DOUGHNUT BUSINESS WITH LASER
Authorities are looking for a man who held up a doughnut shop wearing a pillowcase with eyeholes cut out and armed with a laser pointer, authorities said. The robber walked into Tastee Donuts at about 1:30 a.m., a Sheriff's Office report said. Behind the counter was a 61-year-old woman. The robber waved a red laser pointer at her and demanded money from the safe, threatening to kill her if she didn't comply. "I was very frightened," she said. "I have heart trouble, and it really upset me." A second employee told a deputy that the man had flashed the laser at him also, the report said. The woman unlocked the safe and handed the money to the robber.

ALLEGED POT THIEF BRANDED WITH FOREHEAD TATTOO
(California) - Four Northern California men have been arrested for allegedly tattooing the word "thief" in two-inch-high letters on the forehead of a man they suspected of stealing a pound of marijuana. Authorities in Mendocino County reported the four face charges of kidnapping, false imprisonment, conspiracy and mayhem. The victim is a 31-year-old man whose name hasn't been released. Investigators said the victim was lured to the home of one of those arrested, then duct-taped and tattooed.

CONGRESSMAN MOUNTS CAMPAIGN TO CHANGE NAME OF INTERSTATE 69
(Indiana) - John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number. There are plans to extend the interstate from Indianapolis through southwestern Indiana all the way through Texas into Mexico in the coming years. While most believe this highway will be good for the state's economy, religious conservatives believe "I-69" sounds too risqué and want to change the interstate's number. Hostettler, a proponent of the interstate extension, agrees. "Every time I have been out in the public with an 'I-69' button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it. I have had many ask me if they can have my button. I believe it is time to change the name of the highway. It is the moral thing to do." The change will more than likely be introduced in committee when Congress convenes after the first of the year.

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