Don't stop now. Your life can wait.
Not one of the actual cheese sandwiches.
JAILED MAN SENTENCED FOR CHEESE SANDWICHES
(Colorado) - A man serving a life sentence for murder was sentenced to three additional years in prison for passing out cheese sandwiches while in jail. Douglas Wilson pleaded guilty to possession of contraband and was sentenced by District Judge Thomas Kane. Prosecutors said Wilson had the sandwiches while in jail awaiting trial on the murder charge and he tried to give them to other inmates, a violation of jail rules. A deputy testified that they warned Wilson not to pass food to other inmates, then shocked him with a stun gun when he ignored them. Wilson was tackled and handcuffed after he reportedly charged a deputy. "Why are the taxpayers paying the judiciary to hold this hearing on some contraband sandwiches?" he said in a telephone interview with a local newspaper. "Taxpayers want to know where their money is going. There it is."
PEEPING TOM PULLED FROM OUTHOUSE TANK
(New Hampshire) - A 45-year-old man was arrested after a teenage girl found him staring at her from below an outhouse seat, police said. Police said they pulled Gary Moody from the waste tank under a log cabin outhouse. "We had to decontaminate him," said Capt. Jon Hebert of the Carroll County Sheriff's Department, adding that firefighters hosed the man down before police handcuffed him. "We treated him as if he were hazardous material," Hebert said. Moody was charged with criminal trespass. Hebert said he could face more charges.
MAN NABBED FOR MAKING 4,400 CALLS TO OPERATORS
(Japan) - An unemployed man who called a telephone directory service number more than 4,000 times over a two-month period, because he wanted to talk with someone, has been arrested, police said. Atsuo Ishikawa, 58, from Maebashi, Japan has admitted making the calls. "I wanted someone to talk with," Ishikawa said. Ishikawa stands accused of dialing the telephone directory number about 4,400 times between March 1 and April 30. He often shouted at the operators after providing fictitious names, and told them obscene stories, police said. Records show Ishikawa called the directory number more than 9,500 times total, but the specific accusations over which he was arrested involved 4,400 calls he made between March and April.
WRONG-WAY DRIVER HITS FIVE VEHICLES
(Alaska) - A driver plowed his pickup into a motorcycle, a car and a van while headed the wrong way on a busy road in Anchorage and told police he didn't regret hurting people because "they were trying to stop him from getting away from the evil cloud that was chasing him," according to Anchorage police. Vasily Basargin, 28, was high on cocaine and methamphetamine when he caused three crashes involving a total of six vehicles. Bystanders saw what was happening and chased the suspect down. Two had him pinned face down on the ground when police arrived. He was clutching a gold chain and seemed to be praying in Russian.
ASTROLOGER SUES NASA OVER COMET MISSION
(Russia) - Marina Bai has sued NASA, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 recently "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," a newspaper reported. Scientists say the crash did not significantly alter the comet's orbit around the sun and said the experiment does not pose any danger to Earth. Bai is seeking damages totaling $300 million for her "moral sufferings." She earlier told a newspaper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope." NASA representatives could not be reached for comment on the case.
MAN USED ELECTRIC UNDERPANTS TO "FAKE HEART ATTACK"
(England) - A judge threw out a claim by a man who, the court heard, used "electric underpants" to give himself fake heart attack symptoms. Marcus Danquah, 41, of Kirton Lindsey, England had sought up to $522,000 in damages after claiming that a defective clothing iron gave him a heart attack. But the iron's manufacturer alleged Danquah wired the iron so that it became live and would give an electric shock to anyone who touched it. It also claims that he used the "amps-in-his-pants" device in his underwear to create false readings on a hospital heart monitor.
THE DEVIL TOLD ME TO HAVE SEX WITH SHEEP
(Kenya) - A cobbler suspected of sorcery was attacked and nearly lynched by outraged villagers in central Kenya after being caught having sex with a female sheep, officials said. Joshua Kiplagat, 36, sustained a serious head wound when the sheep's owner threw a machete at him after finding him in "flagrante delicto" with a prize ewe. Kilpagat was then tied to a tree stump for five hours before being marched naked, with the violated ovine in tow, to a police station where he confessed to several acts of bestiality that he blamed on the devil, they said. "I was sent by the devil to do that," Kiplagat told the angry crowd which included several people who accused him of being a warlock and one disgusted woman who claimed to have seen him engaging in sex acts with a dog. "I saw this man mounting a dog two weeks ago at around seven in the evening and I was so surprised," said the woman. The bloodied shoe repairer adamantly denied allegations that he was a wizard and insisted that his affection for animals was limited to sheep. "I only made love to the ewe twice using two condoms but I don't do it regularly."
EX-TEACHER ACTED ON OLD GRUDGE
(New York) Police say a former elementary school teacher held a grudge almost 30 years after receiving poor work reviews, littering the driveways of former co-workers and administrators with roofing nails and splattering paint on their garage doors. Thomas R. Haberbush pleaded guilty to one count each of stalking, criminal mischief and criminal tampering. "It's very bizarre to carry around a grudge for nearly 30 years," said Saratoga Springs police investigator John Catone. "At least now there can be closure for all those people he terrorized."
MYSTERY SHOE SAGA STUMPS COUPLE
(England) - Pairs of shoes are being left in mysterious circumstances outside a remote farmhouse in Lincolnshire, England. Jason and Claire Foster, the farmhouse residents, do not know who is doing it or why they have left as many as four pairs of shoes at one time. The family has video footage that shows an elderly couple driving by in a green vehicle depositing the shoes. Claire Foster said that although it was scary at first, she was rather hoping some of the pairs might fit. Some of the shoes are cheap, but some are more expensive designer brands. Mrs. Foster added, "The biggest question is why? We would love to know why."
LADY ASKS FIREFIGHTERS TO EXTINGUISH FLAMES OF HER LOINS
(India) - Indian firefighters have no idea as to how to react to strange phone calls from young ladies asking them to "extinguish the flame of their loins." Local newspaper Midday reports that 55 staff firefighters at one of Delhi's fire stations receive no fewer than 70 such phone calls every evening. This, in turn, makes it difficult for the firefighters to respond to urgent calls. "We also receive about 15-30 calls during the day from housewives who simply have nothing to do and are dying of boredom," says Raj Parab, one of the officers. "However, be it day or night, the content of the message remains the same, 'Can you extinguish any sort of fire? What about the fire of passion inside of me? Come quickly, I am on fire.'" Annoyed firefighters have asked local police for help. However, the police also report an influx of similar phone calls.
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