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Some much weird news, so little time. Read on.


Not one of the actual murdered balls.

BALL-BUSTER SENTENCED TO PROBATION
(Minnesota) - A Duluth man with a sexual fetish for large rubber exercise balls has been sentenced to probation for his offenses. Christopher Bjerkness plead guilty to criminal damage to property and third-degree burglary. Bjerkness admitted to using a knife to damage about 72 exercise balls on three occasions last year at the University of Minnesota Duluth Sports and Health Center. The balls were valued at $30 to $60 each. He also admitted to using a knife to slash at least 20 fitness balls at the St. Mary's Duluth Clinic Center. He entered the center by jimmying a locked door. Bjerkness also admitted damaging balls at St. Luke's hospital. Bjerkness told Duluth police he slashed the rubber balls to satisfy a sexual urge. He said he popped some with his hands.

THREE BUSTED FOR THEFT AFTER RINGLEADER POSTS JOB OPENING ONLINE
(Japan) - Three men were arrested for robbing a shop after the ringleader posted a job listing on an online site, police said. Tomoyasu Shinkawa, an unemployed man, posted his job notice on an online site several months ago. "We offer you 400,000 yen per job, but it's risky," the notice read. After Yoku Shimoyama contacted Shinkawa, the two and another man visited a shop in Shibuya-ku. Thrusting a knife at an employee of the shop, they reportedly said, "If you shout, we will kill you. Open the safe." Then they took about 2.6 million yen in cash from the safe and other goods such as digital cameras on display at the shop before fleeing. Shimoyama received 400,000 yen for his efforts from Shinkawa after the robbery, but he later turned himself in to police, leading to the arrest of all three robbers, officers said.

BURGER KING RECALLS SACRILEGIOUS DESSERTS
(England) - Fast-food chain Burger King is withdrawing its ice cream cones after the lid of the dessert offended a Muslim. The man claimed the design resembled the Arabic inscription for Allah, and branded it sacrilegious, threatening a "jihad." The chain is being forced to spend thousands redesigning the lid with backing from the Muslim Council of Britain. It apologized and said, "The design simply represents a spinning ice-cream cone." The offending lid was spotted by business development manager Rashad Akhtar. He was not satisfied by the decision to withdraw the cones and has called on Muslims to boycott Burger King. He said, "This is my jihad. How can you say it is a spinning swirl? If you spin it one way to the right you are offending Muslims." A Muslim Council spokesman said, "We commend the sensitive and prompt action that Burger King has taken."

DIFFERENT CHEESE BRINGS DIFFERENT DREAMS
(England) - A new research study claims that different types of cheese can give you different kinds of dreams. If you wish to bring on nostalgia, eat Red Leicester before bed. The British Cheese Board, which conducted a study on 200 volunteers, found that while Red Leicester brings on nostalgia, Stilton cheese leads to the oddest dreams, and eating Cheshire means no dreams at all. About 80% of those who ate Stilton before bed had bizarre visions in their sleep. Almost 70% who had Cheddar dreamed of celebrities, while Red Leicester brought back past memories to 60% of those in the study. More than 60% of those who had Lancashire cheese had visions of work. Though conventional belief claims that eating cheese before bed brings nightmares, researchers today promote this habit as they feel it's good for health. "One of its amino acids reduces stress and induces sleep," one researcher said.

STRIPPING SUSPECT DITCHES JUMPSUIT TWO TIMES IN COURT
In the midst of a court hearing, 40-year-old Bradford Zeigler re-enacted the crime he is accused of recently committing. He stripped. Twice. Baring all for the judge, several attorneys and others in the courtroom delayed proceedings the first time but halted it altogether the second time. Zeigler was supposed to be pleading guilty to a felony charge of public nudity stemming from an arrest after an officer spotted him walking naked through a public park. Zeigler sat quietly in the jury box with several other inmates waiting to admit guilt in various crimes. His hands were cuffed in front of him and he wore the county jail's standard outfit. He waited to disrobe until after the hearing began and he was sitting at the defense table next to his attorney. The first time a bailiff redressed him, but a few minutes later Zeigler disrobed again, prompting Judge Bruce Embrey to halt the hearing. Embrey ordered Zeigler to be psychologically evaluated by two doctors.

MAN ARRESTED AFTER NAILING HOME SHUT
(Wisconsin) - A 41-year-old Appleton man was recently arrested after nailing his home's doors and windows shut to keep his 24-year-old girlfriend from leaving. Dean Hill is expected to appear in Outagamie County Circuit Court on charges of false arrest, battery and disorderly conduct in connection with an incident of domestic violence. He is in custody at the Outagamie County Jail. According to Appleton Police Department spokesman Sgt. Pat Dewall, there were an unknown number of children in the home at the time of the incident. In addition to nailing down the windows, Hill nailed shut the patio door and removed the handles from casement windows.

SWISS THIEF NABBED BY DOOR
(Switzerland) - A thief robbing a Swiss shopping center was arrested after his head was clamped by a sliding door, police said. The thief forced his way through the automatic sliding door in the village of Nendaz during the night and carted away several bags full of DVDs, watches and food, police said. But the door suddenly shut during the illicit shopping spree, trapping the thief's neck and foot and forcing him to call for help. Some locals pried open the door but pushed the thief back inside as it shut. Police said he was forced to wait inside until they picked him up.

INEBRIATED BELGIAN WOMAN DIES IN CEMETERY ACCIDENT
(Belgium, Reuters) - An inebriated Belgian woman died in a freak accident when she ended up beneath a heavy grave stone at a cemetery, local news agency Belga said. The 33-year-old was on her way home from a bar in the Belgian town of Pulle when she took a shortcut through the cemetery. She urgently needed to relieve herself and crouched down between two gravestones. As she lost her balance, she grabbed one of the stones that gave way and landed on top of her. The public prosecutor's office said she died of suffocation as she was unable to lift the heavy stone.

COPS SAY THIEF DROPPED HIS NAMETAG
(New Mexico) - What's in a name? A lot of trouble if you leave it at the scene of a crime. Police are investigating a recent burglary at a portable school building in Albuquerque where a computer monitor, two printers and other equipment was stolen. What they found was a restaurant employee nametag near the building at Bandelier Elementary School, according to court documents. The tag, bearing the name ''Sam,'' was used to help authorities track down Samuel Wilson, 19. Wilson was being held on burglary charges.

ANTI-RAPE CONDOM AIMS TO STOP SEXUAL ASSAULTS
(South Africa) - A South African inventor has unveiled a new anti-rape female condom that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world. "Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped and I thought it was high time," Sonette Ehlers said of the "Rapex," a device worn like a tampon that has sparked controversy in a country used to daily reports of violent crime. Ehlers said the "rapex" hooks onto the rapist's skin, allowing the victim time to escape and helping to identify perpetrators. "He will obviously be too preoccupied at this stage," Ehlers told reporters. "I promise you he is going to be too sore. He will go straight to hospital." The device, made of latex and held firm by shafts of sharp barbs, can only be removed from the man through surgery that will alert hospital staff, and ultimately, the police. It also reduces the chances of a woman falling pregnant or contracting AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases from the attacker by acting in the same way as a female condom.

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