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Not the actual canine rapist.

MAN CLAIMS HE WAS RAPED BY DOG
(England) - An intoxicated man who claimed he had been raped by a dog was sentenced to 12 months in jail by a judge. Martin Hoyle, 45, was arrested by police after a passing motorist and his girlfriend found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with Hoyle at the side of a road. Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Hoyle was being attacked by the animal. But when they got closer, they saw he had his trousers round his ankles, was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind. "The defendant mumbled something about the dog having taken a liking to him," said Crosland. "The couple was extremely offended and sickened by what they saw." Another passing motorist contacted the police and Hoyle was arrested as he walked with the dog down the road. Hoyle told police, "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me. He tried to rape me." He repeated the rape allegation at the police station and added, "The dog pulled my trousers down." Hoyle, who has had a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency. His lawyer said Hoyle has no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed.

JURY RULES AGAINST WOMAN IN GENITAL GLUING
(Pennsylvania) - A jury ordered a woman to pay $46,200 to her ex-boyfriend for gluing his genitals to his abdomen. Jurors found in favor of Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh in his civil case against Gail O'Toole after three days of testimony and ordered the payment for pain, suffering and emotional distress. "For all the pain and suffering I've been through, and the embarrassment, I don't think it's enough," Slaby told reporters after the verdict. Slaby's lawsuit said the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months, and he began dating someone else. After he broke up with his other girlfriend, Slaby said, O'Toole invited him over to her home where he fell asleep. He said he woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish. Slaby said O'Toole told him that her actions were payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and spent six months on probation. But O'Toole's attorney contended that the incident was nothing more than part of the couple's adventurous, consensual sex.

MAN KILLED IN HOUSE FIRE WAS BURGLAR OVERCOME BY SMOKE
(Montana) - A man found dead in a house died of smoke inhalation, apparently after setting a pair of fires to conceal a burglary, police said. Wayland Deputee Jr. had coins belonging to the homeowner in his pockets when emergency crews pulled his body from the burning house, said Billings Police Detective Capt. Dave Hinkel. Police also found two bags of household items in the alley, suggesting Deputee stashed some of the stolen goods before returning to light the fires, Hinkel said. Investigators determined that Deputee started fires in the kitchen and bedroom in an apparent effort to cover his tracks. Overwhelmed by smoke, he collapsed in a dining room, where fire crews found him.

MAN SUED FOR NOT GIVING ORGASMS
(Brazil) - A Brazilian woman is suing her partner for not giving her orgasms. According to Terra Noticias Populares, the unnamed 31-year-old filed a complaint at Chacar Urbana Police station in Jundiai. She complained that her 38-year-old partner reached an orgasm and then simply stopped the sexual intercourse. Police chief Jose Roberto Ferraz is investigating the case. Police spokesperson said, "We will look into it, we will treat it as an ordinary complaint and let the judge decide."

SUTTON FOSTER BREAKS ARM REHEARSING PLAY
(Los Angeles, AP) - Actress Sutton Foster was rehearsing a number called "I'm An Accident Waiting to Happen" when she fell and broke her arm. "I wasn't even dancing," the Tony-winner said. "I was just stepping backward, and my feet went forward, and I fell backward and caught myself with my hands." She was rehearsing the musical "The Drowsy Chaperone." Foster said the show will go on, although she'll have to modify her performance until her arm heals. Such planned stunts as a dive roll through a hoop, cartwheels and complicated lifts are being eliminated.

KINKY SHOPPER KO'D BY VIBRATING KNICKERS
According to U.K. tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers vibrating Passion Pants to her local Asda supermarket. Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2 1/2-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head." This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing." Having disabled the underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag. For the record, Ann Summers notes that Passion Pants are "Not for internal use."

ROCK STAR PASTOR IS ELECTROCUTED DURING BAPTISM SERVICE
(Texas) - A pastor in Texas was killed by an electric shock after grabbing a microphone while performing a baptism in water. The Reverend Kyle Lake, 33, was partly submerged at University Baptist Church in Waco while baptizing a woman in front of 800 people. He reached out to adjust a microphone when he was killed. "He was grabbing the microphone so everyone could hear," Jamie Dudley, a church business administrator, said. "It's the only way you can be loud enough." Doctors in the congregation rushed to help Lake, who collapsed after being struck by the fatal jolt of electricity. An emergency medical crew tried to revive him. He was taken by ambulance to Hillcrest Baptist Medical Centre, where he was pronounced dead. "At first there was definitely confusion just because everyone was trying to figure out what was going on," the Reverend Ben Dudley, the community pastor of the church, said after he saw his colleague die. "Everyone just immediately started praying."

SUICIDE MISTAKEN FOR HALLOWEEN DECORATION
(Delaware) - The apparent suicide of a woman found hanging from a tree went unreported for hours because passers-by thought the body was a Halloween decoration, authorities said. The 42-year-old woman used rope to hang herself across the street from some homes on a moderately busy road. The body, suspended about 15 feet above the ground, could be easily seen from passing vehicles. State police spokesman Cpl. Jeff Oldham and neighbors said people noticed the body but dismissed it as a holiday prank. Authorities were called to the scene more than three hours later. "They thought it was a Halloween decoration," Fay Glanden, wife of Mayor William Glanden, told The Wilmington News Journal. "It looked like something somebody would have rigged up," she said.

RANCHER OFFERS REWARD FOR STOLEN SEMEN
(Maryland) - A rural Maryland cattle rancher Eric Fleming is offering a reward in hopes of finding who took his entire supply of bull semen, valued at $75,000. The Frederick County farmer discovered the theft after returning from a day trip to his farm in Wolfsville. The cache, which included the valuable semen of several prominent sires, comprised Fleming's entire supply. Fleming has spread the word about the theft on Web sites of interest to cattle breeders and the sheriff's office is investigating. The semen was stored in six canisters that were taken from a refrigeration tank, apparently by someone who brought one of their own.

CAT NABS SEVERED TOE
(Germany) - A cat ran off with its owner's toe after he accidentally chopped it off and left it on the floor while he called an ambulance. Udo Ried, 41, was slicing bread in his kitchen in Luebeck, Germany, when he dropped a large kitchen knife onto his bare foot, chopping off his second toe. While Ried was hopping to the bathroom to get a bandage, and at the same time using his cellphone to call emergency services, his cat Fritz pounced on the bloody toe and ran off with it into the garden. Ried tried to get the toe back but after a few minutes he was forced to abandon the search to seek medical attention. A spokesperson for Luebeck hospital said they would have been able to re-attach the toe if the cat had not stolen it.

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