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Wow. Could we possibly have more real news? We can.


Not the actual Japanese ice cream.

MAN ARRESTED FOR SHOVING ICE CREAM INTO MAILBOX
(Japan) - A man who shoved ice cream into a mailbox has been arrested for violating the Mail Law, police said. Yoshiaki Kobayashi, 42, admitted to the allegations. "I was frustrated because my job was not going well. I wanted to vent my anger," he was quoted as telling investigators. Investigators are grilling Kobayashi over his alleged involvement in four other cases in which ice cream and liquid soap were poured into mailboxes near the scene and mail items were damaged. In the specific case for which he was arrested, Kobayashi shoved chocolate ice cream into a mailbox in front of Shin-Sayama Station on the Seibu Shinjuku Line and dirtied mail inside it, local police said.

MAN STOPPED FOR HAIRCUT IN MIDDLE OF POLICE CHASE
(Canada) - A Thunder Bay man who stopped for a haircut while police were chasing him was handed a three-year penitentiary term for numerous charges in Ontario Court. Judge F.A. Sargent gave Nathan Clifford Myles, 25, one year for dangerous driving, one year consecutive for failing to stop for police and six months consecutive for each of two charges of obstructing a peace officer. The incident involving Myles began when a uniformed officer in an unmarked car attempted to pull over a driver behind the wheel of a Chevrolet Cavalier. The officer noticed the vehicle being driven in an erratic manner. Myles refused to stop and continued into the parking lot of a grocery store where he slammed into several shopping carts. He then abandoned the car and fled on foot along James Street. He couldn't have been in too much of a rush, as he took the time to have a haircut in a nearby salon. His hair shorn, he tried to get into a taxi when he was arrested near the corner of Arthur and Madison streets. A search of the Cavalier turned up a handgun and a rifle. While Myles was getting his haircut, more than 1,500 students and staff were locked down in their schools over the lunch hour because a gun magazine found in the car led police to believe a firearm could be involved.

DINERS FIND NEW RESTAURANT HARD TO SWALLOW
(China) - The menu at Beijing's latest venue for its growing army of gourmets is eye-watering rather than mouth-watering. There is no polite way of describing Guolizhuang. Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing's West Lake, it is China's first specialty penis restaurant. Here, businessmen and government officials can sample the organs of yaks, donkeys, oxen and even seals. In fact, they have to, since they form part of every dish, except for those containing testicles. "This is my third visit," said one customer, Liu Qiang. "Of course, there are other restaurants that serve the penis of individual animals. But this is the first that brings them all together." Since it set up, a reservation comes with a trained waitress and a nutritionist to explain the menu and its medicinal virtues. Nutritionist Zhu Yan said clients were mainly men eager to improve their yang, or virility. Women could benefit, too, she added, although she told a female photographer: "I wouldn't recommend the testicles. The testosterone might interfere in fertility. But many women say penis is good for the skin." Some dishes seem unexceptional, such as the goat penis, sliced, dipped in flour, fried, and served skewered with soy sauce. But others are showpieces, such as "Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet" (provided by horses from the western Muslim region of Xinjiang) or "Dragon in the Flame of Desire" (yak, steamed whole, fried and flambeed). For beginners, Zhu recommended the hotpot, which offers a sampling of six types of penis, and four of testicle, boiled in chicken stock by the waitress, Liu Yunyang.

MEN DON'T WANT FUNNY WOMEN
(Reuters) - Women value a good sense of humor in a potential male partner, even if his jokes are crass. But men don't rate humor so highly in women, new research shows. It's a trait often requested in lonely hearts ads and scientists have now shown that a good sense of humor is important for women, but not men, in choosing a romantic partner. A woman is even willing to overlook other shortcomings in a man if he can make her laugh, North American researchers say in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. "Our results suggest that humor can positively affect desirability as a relationship partner but this effect is most likely to occur when men use humor and are evaluated by women," says Dr. Eric Bressler. Bressler and Canadian researcher Dr. Sigal Balshine, demonstrated in an experiment that a good sense of humor does make a difference. They showed groups of women pictures of two equally attractive men and presented autobiographical statements that were either funny or serious. After reversing the experiment and showing groups of men photographs of two women, they asked both sexes to select who they would choose as a romantic partner. The humorous people were seen as more socially adept but less trustworthy, honest and intelligent. Men did not select the funny person but women did. "Women chose funny men as relationship partners despite often rating them as less honest and intelligent," the researchers say. Funny men were preferred even if their humor was unsophisticated, the researchers add.

WEB SITE'S NAME TOO RUDE
(Viet Nam) - A Web site seeking to advertise the humble grapefruit will not be permitted to register its name in Vietnamese because the word is spelled the same as penis, an official said. "We have to refuse the Web site name of www.buoi.com.vn because the word for grapefruit, 'buoi,' without a proper tone marking can be misunderstood to mean penis," said Thai Huu Ly of the Vietnam Internet Network Information Centre. Vowels in written and printed Vietnamese incorporate elaborate markings indicating one of six pronunciation tones. But because Web site addresses carry no tone indications, confusion can arise. "The word is very sensitive so we will definitely refuse," he said. According to Vietnamese regulations, names of Web sites must not contain words that "violate the national interest or are not in accordance with social ethics, lifestyle and national culture."

TEEN USING RESTROOM FALLS OUT WINDOW ON NEW YORK STATE THRUWAY
(New York) - A New York City teenager fell out the window of a moving bus while using the restroom recently and landed on the New York State Thruway. State police said Jose Gonzales, 17, lost his balance when the chartered bus swerved to change lanes. It was unclear how fast the bus was going. Gonzales was taken to Albany Medical Center for treatment. Police said he'll recover. Gonzales fell onto the shoulder of the thruway. He had been at the Capitol on Tuesday to lobby with a group on the issue of AIDS.

WOMAN ACCUSED OF MAILING CONDOM EXPLOSIVES
(Boston, AP) - A former strip club waitress mailed condoms filled with a potentially explosive mixture to a television station, strip clubs and other places, saying she was tired of being mistreated by men, according to court documents. In FBI documents unsealed in U.S. District Court in Boston, Kimberly Lynn Dasilva, 40, said she "couldn't take it anymore." None of the condoms exploded. They each contained a mixture of drain-cleaning detergent and gasoline, which could explode when combined, authorities said. Dasilva told investigators she did not think they would explode.

ONE-ARMED MAN IN FINE ROW
(Australia) - A one-armed man who took too long to unload luggage at Melbourne airport was given a parking ticket. Now the airport authority has threatened to take him to court if he doesn't pay the fine. Stephen McKenzie-McHarg was told by an airport parking officer he could park in a bus zone to help his family with their bags if he was quick. But while his motor was still running, and he was struggling with the luggage, another parking inspector wrote him a ticket. "I've been without an arm since I was 21. Now I'm 54 and used to physical work, but I knew I was in trouble," he said this week. "I said to the first inspector, 'I've traveled five hours from the country and I've got two women to pick up with six big suitcases.' The head man said, 'Be quick.'" "I wasn't 30 seconds, but the next little fella threw the book at me." McKenzie-McHarg wrote a letter challenging the $66 fine, but without success. Melbourne airport then threatened to take him to court. McKenzie-McHarg has vowed to fight his case in court. "I'm fighting it on principle. I feel very much discriminated against," he said. "Australians are supposed to be compassionate, helpful people and the ones I know are. "I'd like them to apologize and change their ways. Next time the fellow might have just one leg."

CAR CRASHES INTO HOUSE, DRIVER LANDS IN BED
(Minnesota) - Police say a drunk driver crashed into a Duluth home, then made himself at home, falling asleep in the homeowners' bed. The crash caused serious damage when the car ended up in the middle of the home at 3021 Cardinal Lake Drive. One person was asleep upstairs at the time of the crash, but was unhurt. After checking to see what had happened Jun Park told police he found the driver of the car sound asleep in his bed. "He's crazy," said Park. Police took the driver into custody.

THIRTY-PERSON MELEE BREAKS OUT AT MALL OVER POTATO
(West Virginia) - A brawl involving about 30 young people, security guards and police erupted at Crossroads Mall Saturday night after a potato-related dispute, Raleigh County sheriff's deputies reported. Just before 9:00 p.m., three teenage boys were near Pac Sun with a Steak Escape potato, Deputy J.E. Hajash said. One smashed the potato and made a mess. A security guard told the boy to clean up the mess, but he refused. When other teenagers tried to clean up the mess for him, he told them not to. The incident escalated when the group first began arguing with security guards, then physically fought with them. Then, as Hajash and Cpl. K.D. Harold arrived on the scene, about 30 teenagers, both boys and girls, and probably some adults, began fighting with both security guards and police. "We had others jumping on our backs and fighting us," Hajash said. After the melee settled, four boys between 13 and 17 years old were placed under arrest, Hajash said. He was confident the boys who began the incident were the ones under arrest, even though law enforcement was not able to arrest everyone involved.

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