What? More strange news? How did we get so lucky, we think to ourselves.
Not the actual examined breasts.
FAKE BREAST DOC BUSTED
(Florida) - A 76-year-old Florida man, Philip Winikoff, was arrested recently and charged with sexual battery after he posed as a doctor and went door-to-door, black doctor's bag in hand, offering women free breast exams. According to a Broward County Sheriff's Office report, two womenages 33 and 36fell for the scam, which Winikoff allegedly ran in Lauderdale Lakes. Charged with several felonies, Winikoff was booked into the sheriff's lockup. Police are now investigating whether other women may have been tricked into impromptu examinations.
ARMED DOG MESS MUGGER IS JAILED
A knife-wielding mugger who robbed a woman of her bags before discovering they were full of dog mess has been jailed for four years. David Carlisle, 32, forced 52-year-old Marion Budd to hand over the bags at knifepoint as she walked her dog in Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol. When he realized what he had taken, Carlisle, a drug addict and father-of-four, fled the scene empty-handed. The bungling would-be thief was jailed after admitting attempted robbery. His four-year sentence will run concurrently with the seven-year term he is already serving for multiple burglaries. Bristol Magistrates heard Carlisle, of no fixed address, jumped out of a car and thrust the knife at Budd, and ordered her to hand over her bags. But he dropped the carriers and ran off after she told him that the contents were less lucrative than he might have hoped. Carlisle was tracked down after his DNA was found on the car used in the attempted robbery. Recorder John Trevaskis told him it was "testament to his incompetence" that he had attempted to steal a bag of dog excrement.
ROW DRIVES MAN UP A TREE FOR FIVE DECADES
(India) - A man in India's eastern Orissa state has been living in a tree for the past 50 years following a quarrel with his wife. Gayadhar Parida, 83, who lives in a tree in a village north of the state capital Bhubaneshwar, has repeatedly turned down pleas by his wife and children to return home, a report said. Parida's wife said, "We quarreled over a tiny issue and that is why he left me and promised not to live with me and return home until his death. I have tried a lot and forced him to come back, but he has refused all the time." Parida's strange abode is a makeshift shed on a tree. For many years Parida lived in a mango tree, but was forced to move to his new address after the tree collapsed in a storm. Parida said the unusual lifestyle had helped in his spiritual growth and in overcoming tensions after the estrangement with his wife. Parida's only son, Babula, 55, said his dad was adamant. "I have tried several times to woo him back home but he refused to return. Hurt and dejected, I had to come back home. I cried a lot, but in vain." Parida isn't the only "tree-man" in Orissa. Earlier this year, the BBC told of a 45-year-old man who had been living in a tree for 15 years after a tiff with his wife.
WOMAN, 62, FIGHTS $1,431 CABLE PORN BILL
(New York, AP) - A 62-year-old retired schoolteacher is fighting with a cable company over a hefty bill for porn and gangsta rap programming she says she never ordered. The charges of more than $1,000 appeared on Claudia Lee's Cablevision bill, shortly after she bundled her cable TV, computer and phone services. "They are harassing me and trying to make me pay for something I didn't do," said Lee, who lives alone. She said she has been forced to pay $779 to the company and was told to pay $652 more or face having her services cut off. "Every time I call, somebody tells me something different. They're not on the same page," she said. Cablevision spokesman Bill Powers said Lee may not have ordered the pay-per-view programming, but someone in her home did. Lee claimed someone pirated her connection. Powers said the company did not find theft of service. Cablevision issued a statement saying, "We are suspending these charges pending a full investigation and we are going to work with our customer to ensure that this matter is appropriately resolved." Lee said the only regular visitor to her house is her 81-year-old mother, "and I don't think she wants to watch porn."
SEMEN ACTS AS AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT
Semen makes you happy. That's the remarkable conclusion of a study comparing women whose partners wear condoms with those whose partners don't. The study, which is bound to provoke controversy, showed that the women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations. "I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," says Gordon Gallup, the psychologist at the State University of New York who led the team. "Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen." The team found that depressive symptoms and suicide attempts were more common among women who used condoms regularly compared with those who didn't. The results will appear in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. The results aren't a complete surprise because semen does contain several mood-altering hormones, including testosterone, oestrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone, luteinising hormone, prolactin and several different prostaglandins. Some of these have been detected in a woman's blood within hours of exposure to semen. The question many people will ask is whether oral sex could have the same mood-enhancing effects. "Since the steroids in birth control pills survive the digestion process, I would assume that the same holds true for at least some of the chemicals in semen," Gallup says.
WOMAN ALLEGEDLY SMUGGLES GRENADE INTO JAIL
(San Salvador) - A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said. Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman Alberto Uribe said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something." Lidia Alvarado, 44, was found hiding a cylinder containing the weapon and the drugs, as she entered La Esperanza prison on the northeastern outskirts of the capital of San Salvador, Uribe said. She was turned over to police and charged with illegal weapons possession and drug trafficking, he said. Police who inspected the M-67 grenade said it was in working condition. Alvarado was visiting two inmates, serving 25 and 30 years. Each had been convicted of rape, robbery and illegal arms possession. Prison Director Wilson Galeas was quoted by the daily newspaper La Prensa Grafica as saying it was not the first time Alvarado had visited the two convicts.
THREE-YEAR-OLD TELLS ON DAD
(Germany) - A three-year-old gave her dad up to cops after being told by his mother and father never to tell lies. Dieter Brauer, 33, from Vreden in Germany was trying to hide away from the police after fleeing when pulled over for speeding. When cops arrived at his home to arrest him after noting down his number plate his wife Nina said her husband was not home. But three-year-old Hannah told the police "daddy is here" and took them to the cellar where he was hiding. Brauer, who is now facing charges for speeding and driving with an expired licence, said, "I can't be angry with her, she was just doing what we've always told her and that's not to tell lies."
MAN GETS $218 TRILLION PHONE BILL
(Malaysia, AP) - A Malaysian man said he nearly fainted when he received a $218 trillion phone bill and was ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution, a newspaper reported. Yahaya Wahab said he disconnected his late father's phone line after he died recently and settled the 84 ringgit ($23) bill, the New Straits Times reported. But Telekom Malaysia later sent him a 806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit ($218 trillion) bill for recent telephone calls along with orders to settle within 10 days or face legal proceedings, the newspaper reported. It wasn't clear whether the bill was a mistake, or if Yahaya's father's phone line was used illegally after his death. "If the company wants to seek legal action as mentioned in the letter, I'm ready to face it," the paper quoted Yahaya as saying. "In fact, I can't wait to face it," he said. Yahaya said he nearly fainted when he saw the new bill.
SPIDER-HUNTING NUDIST ENDS WITH RING OF FIRE
(Australia, Reuters) - A red-faced Australian nudist who tried to set fire to what he thought was a deadly funnel web spider's nest ended up with badly burned buttocks, emergency officials said. The 56-year-old man was at a nudist colony near Bowral, about 60 miles southwest of Sydney, when he spotted what he believed to be a funnel web spider hole. Ambulance workers, including a helicopter crew, were called to the scene after the man poured petrol down the hole and then lit a match in an attempt to kill the offending arachnid. "The exploding gasoline fumes left the man with burns to 18 percent of his body, on the upper leg and buttocks," the NRMA Careflight helicopter rescue service said in a statement. It said the man's lack of clothing probably contributed to the extent of his burns. "The fate of the bunkered spider was unknown, although other guests at the resort thought it was probably a harmless trapdoor spider and not a deadly funnel web," the statement said.
TEACHER ACCUSED OF GIVING STUDENT WEDGIE ARRESTED
(New York) - A yank on a child's underwear has a teacher in big trouble. Albany police have charged 41-year-old Mark Holley with endangering the welfare of a child for giving a student a wedgie. Holley's a teacher at New Covenant Charter School in Albany. Police said that during summer school last year, while a 10-year-old New Covenant student was in the bathroom, Holley grabbed the child's underwear and pulled it up. The arrest came after an investigation where police interviewed both the child and the teacher.
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