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It began simply enough. It began as a dream. A dream of providing the public with a new and innovative form of entertainment. The Rectum-Cam.

Here at, we pride ourselves on pushing the envelope when it comes to online entertainment. However, in this case, the outcome was one nobody ever could have predicted.

rectum-cam.jpg (12785 bytes)Sure, there are untold numbers of "cams" on the Web. Cams pointed in myriad directions, at myriad things. But never has there been a Rectum-Cam. The engineers at embraced the challenge of creating and implementing the first, and only, Rectum-Cam.

The photo at left is an x-ray of the very first Rectum-Cam in existence.

Early experiments with the Rectum-Cam were not especially promising. First, there was the matter of finding volunteers willing to be outfitted with the complicated and cumbersome Rectum-Cam apparatus. As no volunteers were forthcoming, several subjects were acquired from the ranks of the "residence challenged." Installation of the Rectum-Cam equipment was not easy, often requiring the use of special drugs such as "chloroform" and "Vaseline." In time, the installations were successful.

But problems cropped up early, as evidenced by the following image--the first to be captured by a Rectum-Cam:

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Even to the untrained eye, it's evident that the results were less than optimal. engineers soon determined the Rectum-Cam would be far more effective if the lens cap of the the cam were removed prior to its use.

Soon thereafter, great strides were made, and it appeared this new technology would soon be sweeping the Internet. These captivating images were captured via the Rectum-Cam in the fall of 2000.

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Based on these photos, experts began to predict an almost unlimited market for Rectum-Cams if they could be developed for use by the military. One of the Rectum-Cam subjects, a sailor in the U.S. Navy, was responsible for capturing breathtaking photos of his ship.

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Pentagon officials showed a great deal of interest in the Rectum-Cam during its formative stages. One unnamed official said, "While not entirely convinced of the utility of this technology, it's possible it could be used by the Armed Forces for any number of purposes. We believe the people who developed this cam are sitting on a gold mine."

Such optimism was short-lived, however.

It is now clear that engineers failed to consider all the implications of their invention. It seems that the size and shape of the Rectum-Cam impeded certain biological functions, specifically the expulsion of certain flammable gasses typically released via the rectum. In time, the resulting blockage was disastrous for Rectum-Cam subjects (and almost equally disastrous for Rectum-Cam stockholders).

cam-damage.jpg (10899 bytes)As methane built up in the bowels of the subjects, it was just a matter of time before the methane ignited--with tragic results. One of the luckier subjects, left, merely suffered minor burns (as well as humiliation, of course).

Others were not so fortunate.

Other subjects wreaked even greater havoc on their surroundings. One subject did significant damage to a middle-class neighborhood after standing too close to an open flame. See photo below. (Several lawsuits are pending, so no further details are available about this unfortunate incident.)

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Still another subject was caught unaware while in Las Vegas, Nevada. (See below.) It is especially ironic that a city known for its tolerance of "foreign objects in the rectum" fell victim to an accident involving that very phenomenon.

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While the subject is recovering nicely, his "mishap" was a glaring reminder about the potential hazards of an untried technology, no matter how glorious its intentions. Despite the less-than-desirable results of the Rectum-Cam, you can rest assured that we are undeterred in our quest to bring you cutting edge entertainment.

What's next? Well, let's just say that at we shall leave no orifice unexploited.

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