By Scott Roeben
Famous quotes are famous for a reason. They're insightful, profound and poignant. Which, of course, means they're ripe for ridicule. We've got it covered.
"A
first rate soup is better than a second rate painting."
Abraham Maslow
"But
just try hanging soup on a nail."
Scott Roeben
"Life
is a risk."
Diane Von Furstenberg
"Then
again, so is going into the bathroom after my father."
Scott Roeben
"The
thing I fear most is fear."
Michel de Montaigne
"The
thing I fear most is getting a milk mustache in front of the Royal Family."
Scott Roeben
"The
joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days."
The Bible (Psalms)
"Viagra
does the same for his nights."
Scott Roeben
"Goodness
is the only investment that never fails."
Henry David Thoreau
"You've
obviously never sent away for Sea Monkeys."
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"There
is more to life than just existing and having a pleasant time."
J.C.F. von Schiller
"Yeah,
there's always beating the crap out of people who say pretentious things like
that."
Scott Roeben
"Man
is the only animal that can be bored."
Erich Fromm
"He's
also the only animal that trims his nose hair."
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"Fear
makes the wolf bigger than he is."
German Adage
"The
tub of glazed donuts doesn't help either."
Scott Roeben
"We
fear the thing we want the most."
Dr. Robert Anthony
"This
would explain the jitters I get around peanut M&Ms."
Scott Roeben
"Knowledge
of sin is the beginning of salvation."
Seneca
"Save
me."
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"A
day is a miniature eternity."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I
can't wait to see my next paycheck."
Scott Roeben
"If
there is no wind, row."
Latin Proverb
"Who
says Latin is hard to understand?"
Scott Roeben
"Love
for thy neighbor if thou wouldst live for thyself."
Seneca
"If
thou art stupid, plagiarize or paraphrase."
Scott Roeben
"A
wounded deer leaps the highest."
Emily Dickinson
"Hey,
during the next Olympics, let's shoot our pole-vaulters."
Scott Roeben
"Happiness
depends upon ourselves."
Aristotle
"That
thing about hair growing on your palms is just a myth."
Scott Roeben
"Do
for yourself or do without."
Gaylord Perry
"Again,
just a myth."
Scott Roeben
"When
a dog runs at you, whistle for him."
Henry David Thoreau
"Great
philosophy. Here's another one. Always carry a tourniquet."
Scott Roeben
"Health
is a blessing that money can't buy."
Izaak Walton
"V.D.
is a curse which it can."
Scott Roeben
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